Sassy Tim Tim

What are you striving for if it isn't Beauty, Goodness, or Truth.

##fiftycentsolution

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

To fuck around is human, to find out is divine.

[hotdog enjoyer @littlehater420]

don’t expect me to put my cigarette away if your kid is ugly as fuck man

[Rikki Ratliff @rikkiratliff]

Last weekend at a local dive in Naples, I happened to sit next to a beautiful elderly woman at the bar whose jewelry on one hand is worth more than my entire net worth will likely ever be.

But she wasn’t just some typical rich old lady in Florida.

She wanted to know if the tiki drink I had was any good because she was bored with hers so I let her have a sip and we chatted away the rest of the night as she slogged back a few other tiki drinks with me.

“Don’t worry I’m not driving,” she offered without any solicitation.

She just sold her ranch in Texas Hill Country, owned 3 other places, and I could immediately tell she was a force. She’s widowed and still maintains a busy social and business life. But she’s not interested in dating. She tells me this as her other senior citizen girlfriend was getting hit on by a man who appeared to be in his 60s. He saw the worn wealth. He wasn’t stupid.

I assumed my barmate was 70.

She’s EIGHTY THREE.

No face lifts. Nothing.

I asked her secret.

With not an ounce of slurring or appearance of a buzz, she said “I preserve myself with alcohol and an empty stomach.”

We exchanged emails and I’m gonna look her up if I’m ever at the Ritz Carlton in Sarasota, where she sometimes takes up residence. She swears by the drinks at the Ritz bar.

I later learned she’s so cool part of the Naples Zoo is named for her.

What a broad.

[Django Gold @django]

watching Indiana Jones for the first time, do archaeologists typically kill this many people?

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@it_unprofession @jacobromfo much, much worse

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

Finding a low traffic bathroom at your job is so important

[˖ Ridhima ˖᯽ ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

they’ll put a data center in yo ass if you not paying attention

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@it_unprofession @jacobromfo turns out... it CAN get worse.

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@edgaralandough Always live east of work.... that way you never get the sun in your eyes on the way there or way home.

[Words @itswords_]

I respect the moon's unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

Root beer tastes like the way Abraham Lincoln looks and I can't explain that

[Restoring Your Faith in Humanity @HumanityChad]

CCTV caught these snow leopards being absolute cuddle bugs

[ovary ✨ @ovaryactorr]

and for the lady, perhaps a deep cleaned house, cancelled plans, a new series to watch, and zero human interaction?

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

Fun fact... no one can "help" you get into heaven.

[Oliver Burdick @oliverburdick]

Marrying someone who will help you get to heaven is essential.

[LadyValor @lady_valor_07]

If you understand this then you have gray hair and we can be friends

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@Matt_Pinner Yes. Next question.

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@wh0ref4iry WI?

[Joshwelt @weltszzn]

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

[tido bling @tiido_bling]

Being raised a Christian but later truly finding God on your own isn't talked about enough

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@Bunny_ngl Gillette....the best a man can get.

[Sassy Tim Tim @SassyTimTim]

@utdMaggie And?