Being black is hard. Being pro-black is also hard. White people can just be white and focus on other things. There is an advanced degree level of awareness to be pro-black.
I never stopped being proud of myself, I put alot of value in Consistency. But I want to set myself up ever the more. I wanna try things, I wanna look back and say, I didn't have to do that, but I'm glad I did!
As for me, I've always maintained a middle ground. Afraid to committ but also, just waiting on a truly nuanced conversation. The subject is so polarizing I've never heard it debated well with qualified people.
In the grand scheme of things I really need to examine if I have ever really let myself down. People have let me down, systems have let me down. But overall did I fail when it counted?