Sarah Behrendt

this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

It’s absolutely insane to me that you can accidentally create a human

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

My toxic trait is thinking I’ll end up with @brycevine

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

@andrewzspencer I can’t be the only one that read that as if you were asking to find a new girl? 😂

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Dude I haven’t talked to since I was 15(?) messaged me out of the blue “I know you went through a lot in your last relationship, I’m praying for you”

1. You don’t know?

2. What in the mother fuck 😂 homie I’ve been single for years now I’m solid without you or your prayers

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

I AM TOO OLD TO STILL BE ANSWERING WHAT SPORTS I PLAYED IN HIGH SCHOOL

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Can we all just agree that Alexa’s dad was the most attractive man on this season? #LoveIsBlind

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

When people ask “What?” on Snapchat…

Like motherfucker scroll up.

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

@AshleyGWinter Many of my patients notice a difference within the first week of using vaginal estrogen! The biggest thing I hear consistently is feeling “firmer” right away and this can help further their pelvic floor progression and decrease prolapse sensation more quickly than without!

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Who woulda thought Genevieve was going to have main character energy #BachelorInParadise

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

@nate_mitch12 My coonhound is legit the chillest living being on the planet 🖤

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

one thing about me is if you tell me you don’t feel well i’m gonna fuss! I’m gonna diagnose you via text then tell you all the home remedies I know! I will aggressively offer to bring you soup! no one suffers a cold alone on my watch

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Me thinking I did a successful Trump-age purge because I don’t see any backlash about having a black mermaid 👍🏼👏🏻

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Me the second @G_Eazy comes to town

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

6’0”-6’2” of dating apps is the 21-23 of fake IDs

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Being a dog must be like always being on an all inclusive vacation, but you don’t get to pick the activities or the food.

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

All these girls thinking they’re “rare” and “deserve the world”

AND THEY’RE ALL RIGHT. YOU GO, QUEEN! DROP THAT BUM ASS

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

@MMtz111 I am a PT and my pts tell me PT stands for “pain and torture” so I always have to correct them and tell them it’s actually “party time”

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

Everyday is Prime day if you have a credit card

[Sarah Behrendt @sbehrendt11]

When you finally wear a mask to conceal your identity but you wouldn’t wear one to protect grandma.

[David Alan Grier AKA #LeonMusk @davidalangrier]

Meet the new Klan