mel

I'm an almost-nurse that tends to tweet more when I'm drunk. So there's that...

[mel @scag89]

Took my wine fruit, mixed with vanilla ice cream and milk, and now I have a drunken milkshake. You're welcome world.

[mel @scag89]

Tired of all this pressure to be a super mom. Bringing back 80s mom vibes. Popcorn for dinner while we watch a movie and I put frozen fruit in my wine tumbler.

[mel @scag89]

Every time I watch the #SuperMarioMovie, I imagine how much fun that orchestra must have had. "Put down the Vivaldi, we're playing.... Mario"

[mel @scag89]

@blckrthebrry Are you okay??? 😬

[mel @scag89]

@StephenKing I always thought Carl Haissen was making up Florida Man. Turns out he down played the whole time.

[mel @scag89]

@dog_rates One ear up. Because Indy is classy with his begs. 🥺😂

[mel @scag89]

@dog_rates Ear up because Indy is classy.

[mel @scag89]

@robreiner In The Princess Bride, where Westley bests Vizzini in the battle of wits, there is a wedge of cheese by the wine. My boyfriend says it's a soft cheese (brie 😑), I say it's a hard cheese. Can you settle this argument?

[mel @scag89]

No one:
Me: I don't care. I finishing this bottle of wine and watching #GoodOmens for the 5th time. You don't OWN me!
No one:
Universe:
Me: That's what I thought!

[mel @scag89]

Look man. All I want is Who Did This to You by @johnlegend, and Google play is making my life more difficult than necessary. 😭

[mel @scag89]

@chrissyteigen I spent half my summers on the beach, the other half in the Lihue branch library on Kauai. I have nothing but the purest love for public libraries. They are my last safe place. ❤️

[mel @scag89]

@chrissyteigen I just stop thinking of the days. Mostly because I work nights and don't know what day it is anyway, but just one day at a time. Rolling with the flow of the current. 🙌🏼

[mel @scag89]

@chrissyteigen I use to take mine 12 hours apart, so the little antibiotic fighters and probiotic fighters didn't work against each other. Worked in my mind. 😂 Plus, I didn't poop my brains out. Hashtag winning.

[mel @scag89]

@canadaposthelps I have a package that should have arrived in January, it's now June. I understand that this winter had exceptionally bad weather, which is why I didn't get ahold of you sooner, but this is so late it's becoming annoyingly comical.

[mel @scag89]

@chrissyteigen I do the same, but I also get it animal style, and I add more lettuce. Ya know, for balance. 😂

[mel @scag89]

I'm trying to raise money to help offset the cost of an emergency tail amputation my dog had to have. Anything over my goal will be donated to #foac
https://t.co/vm2yWYjeQG @gofundme

[mel @scag89]

Who the fuck puts guacamole on a plate with poké???? Jesus I'm so mad. #island #things

[mel @scag89]

I hope my aisle buddy isn't an ass.

[mel @scag89]

One day I'll fly first class and watch smugly as coach passengers eyeball my roomy seats with envy.
#coming #home #kauai #bound

[mel @scag89]

Saw my first running mother dragging a small child behind her as she struggles to catch her flight.
It's just as cinematic as it is in the movies, not very. #just #airport #things