how can I ever forgive myself after witnessing my parents take their last breath in front of me? I feel like I killed them since I was there and I was not able to do anything.
"This is not what I expected to feel. I lost mama before, and it shouldn't still hurt like this. I prepared myself for this and this is not how it supposed to be" Never have I ever feel like that in my life kung unsa ko ka bugo at that moment. I feel so lost.
"All things happened to make you stronger" is bullshit. Bc what do you mean it meant to make me stronger if I had to pause my trauma so that I can be conscious of what I was doing?
It was just me and my father in that Isolation room. I was alone with him, scared, with gut anxiety, cold, feeling like my head is gonna burst and experiencing how the silence was so loud. Holding back my tears knowing if a single tear escapes, I will breakdown.