Jacob

Unjustifiably in a position I’d rather not be in, but the cream will rise to the top.

[Jacob @schaff_j]

What would stoves look like if hot air/liquids were more dense than cold ones?

[Willie Beamen ひ @theyylovekj]

Lil kids talking about “when I grow up”. Man it’s 70 in December you ain’t growing up lmao

[Meggy @igetsoinspired]

my cat at 3am in our 400 sqft apartment

[Jacob @schaff_j]

I can’t think of an expression more damaging than “time is money”

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

If you really want to know what I think: get vaccinated. It’s not a government plot. Governments can’t even mend pot holes.

[Jacob @schaff_j]

@mattackmattack @toriprejeant I also don’t care for Neck Deep. Just if y’all want more amo for this party

[Jacob @schaff_j]

@mattackmattack And I stand by it tbh

[Jacob @schaff_j]

Astrology girls are just a different flavor of the “what’s your Harry Potter house?” girls

[Jacob @schaff_j]

The IRS when they see that you earned $11.20 in interest last year

[Jacob @schaff_j]

I love watching the formality disappear as an email chain grows. It starts off with paragraph breaks and semi colons, and it slowly turns into lower case “i”s and “sent from my iPhone” as the signature.

[Jon-Stephen Stansel @jsstansel]

Put the salary in the job description.

No one should have to take time off work to find out the job they are interviewing for pays significantly less than the one they already have.

[C @theclovecoterie]

the atheism leaving my body when my car hydroplanes

[Jacob @schaff_j]

@DooperFlap Who’s the REAL alpha?

[Jacob @schaff_j]

Damn, I really should’ve stocked up on candy corn while it was in season

[Jacob @schaff_j]

@emilybierman

[Ty @BAGTY_]

If yo rent paid, u got food, u not sick, and u gotta bed to lay in..u doin just fuckin fine my nigga. Move at ya pace fuck the illusion

[Jacob @schaff_j]

@BPizzle96 @Apple @AppleSupport They’ll probably announce a new HD webcam in a few weeks