Alana Schetzer

Academic, journalist, editor + strategic communications. Not even my mum’s favourite Alana.

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

Breaking news: A major cheese company will be sponsoring the next Star Wars film. It will be about...Boba Fetta

I’ll see myself out

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

We’re working from home today, and when I say “we,” I mean “me”.

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@dog_rates This Theodore. He’s a very cute asshole.

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@HartWexford He is not

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

I’ve found that not listening to anything my brother-in-law says has been the secret to keeping my brain healthy

[The Independent @Independent]

MIT professor reveals key to maintaining healthy brain function https://t.co/5JX41eMRb7

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

I’m not having kids, but I’ve totally figured out the best gender reveal party. The ‘reveal’ is a pair of baby pants - if it’s got pockets, it’s boy and if it hasn’t got pockets, it’s a girl.

[Victoria Police @VictoriaPolice]

The 14-year-old was last seen on Katrina Street in Blackburn North on 20 March.

Grace is 167cm tall with blue eyes and blonde hair and was last seen wearing tracksuit pants, a light coloured hoodie and a back pack.

Forest Hill Police Station ☎ [phone].

#230101443

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

Wishing all those who celebrate a Happy Ramadan! ☪️

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

Hello, I’m visiting Darwin and surrounding areas in June! Any recommendations on what to see/do?

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@NeilMcMahon I think it was a very silly and immature line to have written, and why the editor left it in there….?!

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@NeilMcMahon As for saying he would have written the same about a man, no he wouldn’t have, because the angle of that line was objectification. And unless he also fancies blokes, he wouldn’t have done that.

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@NeilMcMahon I’ve written a few restaurant reviews and my take is: was that line necessary? No. Did the read need to know it in order to make up their mind to try the place? No. I think he was trying to be funny but revealed he just has a sexist point of view he tried to play for laughs

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@danielle_binks Romy Croquet is an entree you can get at most Melbourne restaurants

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@callapilla Pet insurance is such a rip off

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@jewishmemequeen I’d…try those

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

Trying to get some rest before sleep but Theo doesn’t agree.

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@shaexlily Happy birthday to your gorgeous girl! Goldies are a special breed 😊

[Victoria Police @VictoriaPolice]

Have you seen Paige?

The 12-year-old was last seen at Marshall Train Station on 18 March 2022.

It is believed that Paige is travelling on public transport, and may be heading to New South Wales.

📞 Waurn Ponds Police Station on [phone].

[Alana Schetzer @schetzer]

@callapilla Can you get health insurance for horses, like with dogs and cats?