AL

[AL @schmal_pal]

I know I ate too many edibles when I find my glasses in the freezer

[AL @schmal_pal]

Okay well he died 6 months ago and this is the first thing his brother has said to me

[AL @schmal_pal]

I can’t believe my Dad died and I didn’t even get to crash out on Twitter about it

[AL @schmal_pal]

FUCKING TACO. Fucking Montana State I love you soo much. 41 years later for those Golden Ghosts I’m sobbing and flashing titties!

[AL @schmal_pal]

You leave town for 3 days and suddenly your car wash rebrands…

[AL @schmal_pal]

She’s baaaaaack.

[AL @schmal_pal]

Being Alice is hard bc either they say “oh that’s my grandma’s name” or they put Alex for your name when you’re bowling

[AL @schmal_pal]

Do you cut the plastic holder things from a 6 pack before you throw it away?

[AL @schmal_pal]

Unexpectedly have to do an interview with the local news today and I’m wearing a shirt that says “I’ve shenanned before and I will shenanigan” with a blazer but still

[AL @schmal_pal]

@MKiess I happen to love the memory of that tattoo lol

[AL @schmal_pal]

Happy Pi day to me and my shitty on Wednesday night kitchen Pi tattoo

[AL @schmal_pal]

Just asked my favorite bartender if there was any hot goss and she said “Alice you know we don’t have any hot dogs” anyway now I want a hot dog

[AL @schmal_pal]

I love blaming things on the Moon

[AL @schmal_pal]

@kylehhhh You made me think I spelled nipples wrong

[AL @schmal_pal]

Happy Birthday to @kylehhhh and his nipples

[AL @schmal_pal]

Listen I know daylight savings is the worst but it’s after 6pm and we still have an hour of sunlight 🙏

[AL @schmal_pal]

Once again it’s international women’s day and if you see this tweet you’re required to Venmo me $10 for being a woman.

[AL @schmal_pal]

Crawling into bed and this is what I find… Zig the street dog hoarder might have gone to far with this time.

[AL @schmal_pal]

My Facebook targeted ads are tragic