Captain Exhausted

Copywriter. Dad. Geek. Gamer. Former Blockbuster employee. Trying to do this life thing with empathy and humor. He/him.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

When I manage 20 pushups after not having exercised in months.

[Andrea Junker @Strandjunker]

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand times more: We are not a Christian nation. We are a nation where you are free to be a Christian. — Your religion guides you, not all of us. It’s as simple as that.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@catmomdotcom That's a big about-face for Oaks. I'm torn between accepting growth and being skeptical.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@GamerAdvantage Pick me! Pick me!

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

When I open up Twitter and it's just a stream of oiled ass cheeks twerking and far-right propaganda.

[Rothmus 🏴 @Rothmus]

👇

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

You grew up on Jake Paul pranks, I grew up on these type of pranks. We are not the same

[NFL Fashion Advice @fashion_nfl]

Gladiator is one of those perfect movies that should never get a seq-

WATER BATTLE IN THE COLOSSEUM

[لارا @NormalArabGirl]

The show The Bear is good but if a cheap sandwich shop in the city where I could get a big pop, fries, and a hot dog shut down bc a white man moved back home wanted to turn into a high end restaurant I would pray for that restaurant’s downfall everyday.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@ThisTimothy LOLOLOL

[нαιℓєιgн ૐ @m00nmamaa_]

How can you tell me that 95% of the ocean is unexplored and you know for a FACT that megalodon sharks are extinct?!?! Nope that thang is alive and well down there. I bet there’s freaking dinosaurs down there. The ocean is literally monster soup you cannot convince me otherwise

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@brendaleti1987 Funny how tattoos like micro bladed brows and permanent eyeliner are totally okay but you get a little lotus flower on your wrist and the pearl clutching begins.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum they raised me

*nurses rug burn on elbow*

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

I could really use a week-long movie and video game hiberbinge. Like just shut me in the basement and throw down some pizza rolls every couple days.

[PMS Jordan @PMS_Jordan]

If you owned this peripheral you probably have back or knee pain now.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@heyguysimtom Dammit, Tom. Look what you've done.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

What's something you don't need but if you were rich, you'd definitely buy right away?

I'd pimp my home theater. Biggest screen possible, comfy couches, full Dolby Atmos surround sound, the works.

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

I used to care more. About everything. I thought sharing my opinion mattered. But it's too much. Too much death. Too much war. Too much corruption. Too much injustice. The world's been on fire for the better part of the last decade and I'm afraid it finally burnt me out for good.

[jas @jjashole]

me when i hit my limit & go nonverbal

[Captain Exhausted @schneidy930]

@heyguysimtom I got one the other day that was a straight up screen grab from an amateur porn.