Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom

Plaid flannel shirt, black skinny jeans, ball cap.

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Most people remember to put a mug underneath the Keurig before hitting start and walking away.

I am not most people.

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

*listening to DVP*
My 4-year-old: "Mommy, is this song from Paw Patrol?"
Me: "No, but funny enough, it IS by a band called PUP!"
4-year-old: "...like... Like from MIGHTY PUPS?!"
🤦🏼‍♀️

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Just watched Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town for the first time in years, and you mean to tell me that Mrs. Claus's canon first name is JESSICA????

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

The pacing of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker ballet is wild. Clara finds out her nutcracker is alive and they go to war against an army of rats like 8 measures later, but the whole second act is a bunch of dancing confections?

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Today at the grocery store, I may or may not have told my 4-year-old to stop leaning his head too far out of the cart, or it would "get smacked off like that girl in Hereditary" WHOOPS

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Them: How would you like 3 sandwiches for dinner?
Me: No
Them: What if we cooked them in a pie iron over a campfire?
Me: Throw in one with pie filling and I'll take four

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Can't believe my employer didn't close today in observance of the Carly Rae Jepsen album release 🙄

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

"Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of her nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. She had won the victory over herself.

She loved Baby Shark."

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Today I drove home with my son in the back seat, throwing a full toddler tantrum and screaming like a feral animal, while Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen played in the background. Literal fever dream content being cooked up here.

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Wouldn't have guessed that this would be my new favorite Christmas, but here we are, and boy am I glad we are.

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Pushing my full shopping cart through half an inch of packed snow/ice/slush, directly into the snow/wind, is giving Krusty Krab Pizza vibes

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

@loosewendy When I did my study abroad in Germany, I was introduced to Desperados... Which is tequila flavored beer. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

@ZachVW2 I was going to tell you that my whole house is down with the sickness (and not in a "oh wa-ah-ah-ah" kind of way), but I heard the show got rescheduled to Jan 5, so depending on finances and ticket availability, pencil me in!

[Sok-It @javasok]

When Shania Twain says “let’s go girls”, that is the exact same feeling I get when I drink a shot of espresso

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Today I made soup, while it was raining, WHILE listening to the "Rain" ambient loop from Over The Garden Wall

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Tonight we let the kids stay up a little late, made smores, & played (a heavily modified version of) Ghost in the Graveyard. I hope they had fun, because damn am I exhausted but damn I had a great time too

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

My kids' game of choice today was "octopus", in which one would chase the other around the house, yelling, "SWIM SWIM I AN OCTOPUS!" and then they'd arbitrarily swap who was the octopus 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Gotta love it when my toddlers are both talking to me, at the same time, about completely separate topics, and I understand 0% of what either one said because my brain absolutely locks up

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Got my hernia fixed yesterday, Hot Girl Summer starts NOW

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Parenthood is great. I can run up to my kids and go "DO YOU GUYS WANT TO HEAR MY IMPRESSION OF A CROW?!" and ca-caw so loud it hurts my throat and they get SO HYPE

[Hanko Breadcrumb & ArTurd's Mom @schrammered88]

Sometimes I'm like, "You know, I'm a pretty normal person. I feel like I'm pretty average."

And then I realize I'm sitting in my office, alone, in dead silence, doing my imitation of Blue from Blue's Clues, out loud, for literally no reason