Sammy

[Adam Carolla @adamcarolla]

When you were in a kid did you ever dream that adults would be this stupid ?

[STUNNER @Cr7Godbrand]

The BEST generation of men to ever exist for women are modern men.

Our grandfathers waited OUTSIDE the delivery room. We are INSIDE the room, holding your hand, rubbing your back, watching you scream at us, supporting you.

Our grandfathers married VIRGINS. We are marrying PROSTITUTES, OnlyFans whores with 50, 100 body counts and we still call them wives ans provided for them.

Our grandfathers married women who could COOK, CLEAN, slim and RAISE CHILDREN. We are marrying fat useless women who can't even boil rice or season chicken.

Our grandfathers married 18, 20, 22 year olds for youth and fertility. We are marrying 35, 40 year old GRANDMOTHERS and then spending $30,000 on IVF because their eggs are dead.

WE BROKE THE RULES FOR YOU.

WE BENT THE RULES FOR YOU.

WE DESTROYED EVERY TRADITION FOR YOU.

And it's still not enough.

Our fathers did 10% of what we do and got submissive, loyal, grateful wives.

We do 200% and get the most ENTITLED, SELFISH, LAZY, MENTALLY UNSTABLE, UNGRATEFUL, MASCULINE, DISRESPECTFUL wives in human history.

Our fathers were RIGHT. They knew exactly why you can't give modern women too much comfort and freedom.

Y'all don't deserve good men.

[Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie]

I’ll soon be introducing a bill to withhold all federal funding for cameras used to track American citizens.

[RAW EGG NATIONALIST @Babygravy9]

Imagine how good this must feel: swimming so fast at another fish and slamming into it so hard it vaporises. Orcas really are remarkable creatures.

[Sean Strickland @SStricklandMMA]

Yall gonna learn today

[𝕐o̴g̴ @Yoda4ever]

The reaction of search and rescue dogs when they find survivors..🐕‍🦺😊

[ChiefHerbalist @HerbalistChief]

We made so much fun of hantavirus that they deleted the whole storyline.

The disease just pack up and left due to bad ratings.

[Dan Hightower @Danhightower]

Daycare calls me. That's never good.

For them.

Daycare: "your son hurt his elbow and won't move his arm. Can you come take him to a doctor's office?"

Me (ex Special Forces Medic): "A real doctor is on the way to you now. I am 6 mikes out. Alert me of status changes."

I arrive at daycare. I locate the patient. 21 month old male. Scene is not safe. I drag the patient to cover and concealment behind a seesaw, away from the other small terrorists in the AO.

I begin my assessment. Blood sweep negative for massive hemorrhage. Mental status: conscious and verbal but confused (answers "dada" when asked for blood type). One breath every 2 seconds. Bilateral rise and fall of the chest. Strong carotid pulse, strong bilat radial pulse.

Teeth and tongue intact no blood no mucus no dip or foreign objects. Eyes PERRLA, negative JVD/trach deviation, C-spine intact upon palpation.

Heart sounds strong upon auscultation. Percussion negative for hemo-T. Abdominal quads normal upon palpation. Pelvis negative for book sign.

Arms and legs negative for crepitus. However, Patient indicates discomfort in right arm upon palpation and supination/flexion of the elbow.

Nursemaid's elbow.

I begin interventions. Supination/flexion technique complete at 1215. Palpable clunk on successful reduction. I write the time on his chest in Sharpie. I tape a popsicle to his hand and tell the patient to suck but do not bite/chew. I write "1 x popsicle (10g sugar)" on his chest in Sharpie.

I reassess the patient after performing interventions then package the patient for handoff to daycare/higher level of care. I yell at daycare over the Blackhawk in my head: "21 month old male!!! Nursemaids elbow!!! Treated with supination/flexion technique at 1215!!! Patient has 1 x popsicle onboard!!"

Daycare: "sir please leave."

Me: "you should have called my wife."

[Karen McGee @karenmotherof2]

A Chrysler 300 looks like a Phantom till a Phantom shows up

[𝓡𝓱𝓶𝔃 @TRimamfyen]

Drug tests are funny.

The guy doing fentanyl all weekend passes by Wednesday.

The guy who hit a joint at a barbecue three weeks ago is the one failing.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

“I was like ‘fuck’”

“No F bombs please”

“Fuck fuck fuck”

Corentin Moutet is a legend

[Chicken King MMA @ChickenKingMMA]

Honestly fuck Donald Trump for making UFC Freedom 250 on a sunday

[Lyth ♠️ @Lytherian]

We should talk about William Dafoe Green Goblin the way we talk about Heath Ledgers Joker. A generational performance

[MMA Junkie @MMAJunkie]

Bryce Mitchell gives his thoughts on #UFCWhiteHouse.

"The government is supposed to protect us, not entertain us."

[WALKER🪂 @maxl1am]

the guilt of being the son who loves his family but breathes easier when he's far away

[Johnny Venerable @JohnnyVenerable]

There are layers and levels to the NFL.

One team in the NFC West is trading for Myles Garrett.

Another is having a public contract dispute with Jacoby Brissett.

[TONY @TonyMichaelX]

Literally.

[Bobbi @kittenaround_51]

These guys found an abandoned dock along a Chicago river and decided to set up a cam to see what wildlife was in the area. They got some great footage.

[le.hl @0xleegenz]

When you finally start making some good money but the cost of living goes up 4x