Scott Embler

I’m 5’5” stop asking me to reach things for you.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

People are the worst.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@mistercodester When you tell your dog to pose for a picture but don’t tell her which direction the camera is pointing.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Is encountering a crow eating roadkill on the side of the road a good omen or a bad omen? Asking for a friend.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Just saw a gay couple on Instagram wearing suits and both of the bottom buttons on their jackets were buttoned and I was THIS close to having a goddamn panic attack.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@NoContextHumans Religion

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

me to my phone: You’re telling me you can identify every picture I have with a cat in it, but can’t identify a single picture with a penis in it? I don’t believe you.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

I need every politician to stfu when a mass shooting happens if all they have to say is how tragic it is. We already know. If you’re not telling me how you’re actively trying to dismantle the NRA or ban assault rifles I do not need to hear your pointless blabbing.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Zigzagging between blocks to avoid waking past people because being perceived was not what I signed up for on this excursion. #socialanxiety

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Canadians are just Americans who have universal healthcare and children that aren’t afraid of being shot in their schools. Prove me wrong.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

I can’t say for certain that Neil deGrasse Tyson is a rapist but I can say for certain that every time I see him on TV I think “that man is a rapist” and then turn off the TV.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Turns out I liked it better when Stephen Colbert didn’t say Trump’s name when talking about him.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

I listened to that Troye Sivan song about poppers ONE TIME when it first came out because everyone was talking about it and I guess it was in a video I saw recently because it’s stuck in my head now. Being gay is a curse.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@cafekatii @PicturesFoIder Kateigh

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Just went outside for maybe 5 minutes and got two mosquito bites on my leg. The internet tells me mosquitos being attracted to you is a genetic thing so I guess I’m adopted because nobody else in my family seems to get bitten at all. Is it because I’m gay???

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Howard Johnson’s? More like Howard’s Johnson.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

If you’re not a liberal socialist I got new for you: you’re a bad person.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

Charged my iPad and turned it on for the first time in months and a relatively new Charlie Puth video/song I had never heard or seen popped up on the YouTube app and I literally can’t stop watching/listening to it. You guys, I think I might be gay.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@notaunitofmass 😂😂😂

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@brianjoralvarez I don’t get it.

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

@DECfromOH Someone’s black and white cat walked through my yard past my kitchen window a few minutes ago with a squealing baby rabbit in its mouth while looking at me through said window. It’s a well-fed cat with a collar! Sometimes cats are just assholes!

[Scott Embler @scottembler]

What I didn’t expect to see when I turned my head to look down the driveway of the house I was walking past was a cat sitting in said driveway staring at me with its leg lifted over its head and a look of shock on its face.