The Scott's Beard, PhD

I have a beard.

[🇨🇦𖤐 Father Red McGee 𖤐 🇨🇦 @FatherRedMcgee]

When a pirate is about to cum.

[ellewasamistake @ellewasamistake]

oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree

harder christmas tree

[Deacon Blues @lusstylucy]

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"This is Alexa."

[e-dawg @c0ncreteveins]

would u rather live through 2020 again or that year where every public place was simultaneously playing radioactive by imagine dragons all the time

[The Scott's Beard, PhD @scottsbeard]

No way. Who?

[AP Entertainment @APEntertainment]

Los Angeles prosecutors have charged Tory Lanez with shooting Megan Thee Stallion during a July argument between the two rappers in the Hollywood Hills. Lanez is due to be arraigned Tuesday on two felony charges.

https://t.co/ve9FtbufcB

[The Scott's Beard, PhD @scottsbeard]

Oh man. Who?

[Etalk @etalkCTV]

#MorganWallen has been dropped from the #SNL schedule after breaking safety protocols https://t.co/R5q69CEpH9

[? @thechynnabee]

Birth Control should've been made for men instead of women and I don't think that gets talked about enough.

[Dawn-Marie X 💫 @SnarkAvenue]

🚨 Urgent Meeting Notice to Antifa Members 🚨

This week's Secret Code:

"You can tune a piano –– but you can't tuna fish."

💠 Update: Please bring a can of #BumbleBeeTuna, StarKist, Goya or Progresso-ive Soup –– for our munitions pantry.

[julia @juliashiplett]

How is anyone productive while having emotions

[RUTH BUZZI @Ruth_A_Buzzi]

Adam and Eve:
The first people to ignore Apple terms and conditions.

[Gus Viveiros @GusVcomic]

*does well in school play*

Normal Person: That was fun!

Idiot: This should be my job.

[Caitlin Reese ⚡️ @TheCaitlinReese]

Kids: Can I get coronavirus?

Government: “May” I get coronavirus?

[The Scott's Beard, PhD @scottsbeard]

Fucking brilliant.

[@gretchenk.bsky.social @GretchenKoch]

@lukeisamazing @Chinchillazllla Popsicles said to Spectacles: "Can you see what's going on over there?" Spectacles replied: "Vehicles is trying to drive away, but Tentacles won't let him go, Barnacles insists on coming along, & Obstacles is in the way. You don't have to be Oracles to see what'll happen next."

[BrooklynDad_Defiant!☮️ @mmpadellan]

Georgia would be in much better shape right now if they had elected the brilliant Stacey Abrams instead of shit-for-brains Brian Kemp.

[pat regan @poregan]

every 18 seconds I'm like "do I have covid or is that just what it feels like to have a throat?"

[Joey⚡️ @joeygllghr]

why would i use TIKTOK when they STEAL MY DATA to send back to CHINA when I can be a GOOD AMERICAN and use FACEBOOK who steals my INFO and SELLS IT TO CHINA like a TRUE PATRIOT

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

It's become very clear at this point, that there are entire categories of businesses that are basically screwed for an indefinite period of time: nightclubs, music venues, theatres or any kind come to mind. There's gotta be a specific rescue package for them or they're gone.