Mary

[jawn didion @tinndfishmonger]

I tried Coke Zero at lunch instead of Diet Coke. All of the aspartame without any of the refreshment, the glamour, the joie de vivre, the satisfaction of cracking open a cold, glistening can of DC. Insidious beverage.

[culture @notgwendalupe]

i wanted this laptop so bad

[Jack @GayLaVie]

Sorry I can’t come, I had the parasite that causes diarrhea and then got kicked eight feet in the air by a bison at the Madonna concert, but don’t worry here’s a picture of me holding the newspaper to prove I’m alive

[🪄Zatanna Zatara @zatannannataz]

I worked my ass off at Planned Parenthood for YEARS for news like this. Incredible. Such an incredible bright spot in a post-Epstein world.

[ryan @thisismeryan13]

I'm currently obsessed with this man inconvenienced by the building collapse situation on East 42nd Street: "It's a real snafu."

[Eye on Palestine @EyeonPalestine]

Palestinian crowds in downtown Gaza watch Egypt’s national team play against Argentina in the World Cup.

[Mighty @MightyGazelle1]

This joke in Toy Story never fails to make me laugh 😂

[Leah Greenberg says NO KINGS ❌👑 @Leahgreenb]

that's it, I've had enough of millennial slander. pockets in dresses are good, drinking out of mason jars is fun, side parts look nicer on most women, "Home" is a delightful song. everyone knock it off

[Allie ✞ @allie__voss]

TradCath baby names: Thérèse, Seraphina, Augustine
Ortho baby names: Theodora, Anastasia, Maximus
Protestant baby names: Selah, Genesis, Trinity
LDS baby names: Laykynnleigh, Bruxtin, Utah

[Laura Elliott @TinyWriterLaura]

i love things like this. people have always been people

[Ali A Olomi @aaolomi]

you dreamt of becoming Lebanese

[Unhinged @DistressDark]

Me pretending to look for my wallet until someone says 'I'll pay'

[aves @WNBAPILLED]

hes gonna be texting zohran "where r u sitting" and zohrans gonna reply the next day like "omg sorry i just saw this"

[mellon collie 🥀 @chernyecvety]

crude oil arabs vs olive oil arabs is the funniest classification Ive seen

[Karim Wafa-Al Hussaini @DrKarimWafa]

One of the saddest scenes in the modern world is an immigrant apologizing for their accent to someone who speaks only one language.

[Mary @scrambledsuave]

@ntradsteminist I was working as an English teacher in Poland and had visited a small city near the Ukrainian border one weekend. I fainted and went to the hospital with my Polish friend. They did a ton of tests, scans, etc. I was there for a few hours. On the way out, they just…simply waved.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Paper towel commercials are so fake; it's always a kid spilling juice, never like a cat throwing up.

[Crats @Cratscadle]

Has anyone done any serious research on how all the secular lib parents are naming their kids Gideon and Celeste and all the God-fearing red-blooded Americans are giving their kids avant-garde dog names

[CONFESSION TRAILS @Softnessa_]

I will forever be grateful to this stranger for being kind to me after I texted my dead dad. Hugs to you. ♥️

[iza @izamamaa]

I’d rather have robots cleaning rivers than writing screenplays.