Stephen Bailey

Trumpet playing computer techie with a twist...

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

Access level needs to be Reader for Anonymous users for the forms to be usable. A workaround to satisfy the requirements of pen-testers who don't understand Domino will probably be to disable URL opening of the database.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@Wh11teW0lf Despite the name, domcfg.nsf is not a configuration database at all. It contains the backend design of login forms - normally required to authenticate users. (If using SAML via another source the forms aren't needed).

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@Wh11teW0lf Despite the name, domcfg.nsf is not a configuration database at all. It contains the backend design of login forms - normally required to authenticate users. (If using SAML via another source the forms aren't needed).

[Ben Phillips @benphillips76]

Plans to invade Greenland have just been cancelled after this

[Baizewatch @baizewatch]

Refreshing to see Steve Davis never tires of the '85 Final banter from Dennis Taylor.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

My CISO called me at 3 AM last Tuesday.

"We caught someone."

I asked, "Caught them doing what?"

He said, "Typing."

Let me explain.

We have an employee in IT. Great worker. Always online. Never complained. Perfect Slack etiquette.

One problem.

His keystrokes were arriving 110 milliseconds late.

One hundred and ten milliseconds.

That's 0.11 seconds.

The average American remote worker has 20-40ms of latency.

This guy? 110ms. Every. Single. Keystroke.

My security team ran the numbers.

That latency doesn't come from a bad router in Ohio.

That latency comes from Pyongyang.

Our "Senior DevOps Engineer" was a North Korean operative.

Running his work laptop through a laptop farm.

In America.

While he worked from a government building.

In North Korea.

He passed the interview. He passed the background check. He passed the vibe check.

He did not pass the speed of light.

Here's what people don't understand about physics:

Light travels 186,000 miles per second.

But it still has to go through China.

And China adds latency.

Since April, Amazon has caught 1,800 of these attempts.

Eighteen hundred.

I called an emergency meeting with my board.

I said, "We need to implement Keystroke Velocity Auditing across all remote employees."

They said, "That sounds invasive."

I said, "You know what else is invasive? The Democratic People's Republic of Korea in your Jira tickets."

They approved the budget.

We now monitor keystroke timing to the microsecond.

If your latency exceeds 60ms, you get a call from HR.

If it exceeds 100ms, you get a call from the FBI.

We've already flagged 47 employees.

Turns out 44 of them just have bad Wi-Fi.

3 of them are "still under investigation."

The lesson?

You can fake a resume.

You can fake a background check.

You can fake an American accent on Zoom.

But you cannot fake the speed of light.

Physics is the ultimate background check.

Hire accordingly.

[Rob Sissons @RobSissons1]

Lovely filming with the Desford Colliery Band in Coalville Leicestershire who won the National Brass Band Championships of Great Britain 2025 👏👏👏👏👏see them on ⁦@bbcemt⁩

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

Why has it now become socially acceptable to make phone calls during takeoff and landing? I've seen it several times this year.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

This evening I enjoyed @IainDale's point on @LBC that if UK had a rich PM who used our official plane for a holiday to his own golf course across the Atlantic, we'd go f**king mental (or in radio speak, there'd be uproar). Bang on.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

When I was mates with a #Conspiracy theorist he kept telling me Trump was there to get rid of all the paedos that ruled the world behind the deep state curtain. That went well then.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@greennuneaton isn't that the nut job who ran a Brexity Nuneaton Facebook group who kicked people out for disagreeing with him? Great.

[Keith Kondakor, @greennuneaton]

Congratulations to Reform Cllr Nigel Golby who will be appointed Cabinet member for Transport & Planning at Warwickshire County Council on Tuesday. He will be one of the most powerful people in Warwickshire and we will need to see if he has changed since we last had many issues.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@LBC @global telling a Google speaker to play LBC or Classic FM on Global Player doesn't work. The player starts but hangs. Normally works fine but stopped a week ago. Using TuneIn works fine.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@LDNLutonAirport had the displeasure of using your mid-term car park this week. What an absolute hell hole it is to walk around with a heavy suitcase. No wonder you have security patrolling it. A truly terrible travel experience.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@BBCRadio3 could you play this incredible recording of Predieri's Pace una Volta in honour of the passing of baroque trumpet legend Niklas Eklund please?
https://t.co/6AHp9zTgnG

[Jo @JoJoFromJerz]

Donald Trump thinks water “flows downhill” from Canada.
Because they’re north of us.

God help us all.

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@LBC @TomSwarbrick1 isn't the Afghanistan #Cricket situation no different to allowing #NorthKorea to play in the FIFA World Cup?

[Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys]

This is who @ElonMusk really is. Don’t buy a Tesla.

Location: Tesla European HQ, Amsterdam.

[Lee Harris @LeeHarris]

Goodness me. Do not mess with UK Farmers.

They are properly tooled up 😂

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

@sport_tvppl Jakość transmisji telewizyjnej z meczu Swiątek jest naprawdę fatalna. Proszę, naprawcie to!

[Notes from Poland 🇵🇱 @notesfrompoland]

Lublin has been named as a European Capital of Culture for 2029.

The city will become only the third in Poland to hold the title, which it hopes will raise its profile, boost the economy and support local culture https://t.co/6HLKY5jiao

[Stephen Bailey @sdfbailey]

#Aj to retire, surely? @Tyson_Fury to take on Dubois next year - should be a heck of a fight. #boxing