Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley

My name is Seamus O’Malley

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Carpet happens when the floor hits
puberty. #proststecancer

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Kind of crazy how many holes there are.
#opportunity

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

If you’re struggling and need a dose of
happiness - stop living. #unattainable

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

I bet over half of disabled people are just
faking it for clout. #Lifehacks

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

There’s nothing quite like putting a bunch
of Vaseline on a disability ramp for wheelchairs and then watching them try to get up it.
#ThrillSeeker

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

If I theoretically turned into an old man
and put cameras in a middle school,
would that theoretically make me a
pedophile? #photobomb

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Jinx! You owe me two exact replicas of Da
Vinci’s penis made from solid gold and
sterling silver #ShinySpecial

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Just signed up for a dating app and
said I was seventeen. Now I only see
women I’m interested in.
#TreatYourself

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Currently stuck in a desk drawer.
#OpenMe

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Just got dreads in my beard and did
a dread shake on my wife. iykyk.
#Keepitloose

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

@SkroteSteven you’re soft #RimJobGiver

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Someone make a statue of me out of
pretzels. Then anyone can take a bite.
#BiteMe

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

I am the ultimate condiment. #SavorMe

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Kids are just free labor machines.
#revolution

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

I wonder how many square feet I have on
my body. I bet it’s quite a bit of real estate. #stockmarketcrash

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Mess with the bull, and you’ll get me
horny. #horndog

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

I won a Nobel peace prize. What can I say? I’m just peaceful. #zen

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Just dug up a grave for some deceased
drip. Ice so cold it took a #life.

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

Sold my brother a dog but it was a deer.
#hustled

[Seamus “Wet Driftwood” O’Malley @seamusbeanus]

My wife said every like this post gets is
one more day I get to spend at home.
Please don’t like this, my wife is gay.
#priorities