seance hat

| surrounded by pipes |

[seance hat @seancehat]

[first day as a pilot]

me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for

co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed

[seance hat @seancehat]

[putting on wedding dress]

me: I feel like I’m making a big mistake

maid of honor: yes the bride should be wearing that

[seance hat @seancehat]

me: I need to see the doctor

receptionist: ok, name?

me: I can’t remember but he has gray hair

[seance hat @seancehat]

me: don’t take this wrong way but you smell like my wife

bank teller: is that her stocking on your head

[seance hat @seancehat]

[opening birthday cards]

me: [disappointed] there’s no money in any of these

walmart clerk: put those back

[seance hat @seancehat]

[scene of wreck]

cop: do you want an ambulance

me: no I'll probably just buy another car

[seance hat @seancehat]

wife: when my husband pees it sounds like a horse

doctor: he probably has a wide ureth-

*loud whinnying coming from the bathroom*

[seance hat @seancehat]

[after failing all three parts of field sobriety test]

cop: ok put your hands behind your back

me: if I can do this one will I pass

[seance hat @seancehat]

@PunHubOnline Thanks!

https://t.co/g669MoHSCO

[seance hat @seancehat]

[first day as a waiter]

me: do you have any questions

customer: *pointing at menu* how is this prepared

me: we laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices

[seance hat @seancehat]

@PresTightrhymes Thanks pres! 🙂

[seance hat @seancehat]

@BigJDubz @PresTightrhymes Thank you, my friend.

[seance hat @seancehat]

[first day as a cashier]

customer: can I use this coupon for toilet paper

me: why don’t you use the rolls that you’re buying

[seance hat @seancehat]

@GotJbenny You're very kind! Thank you, Benny!

[seance hat @seancehat]

@AndyJokedAgain @GotJbenny @all_tweet_calls Many thanks, Andy.

[seance hat @seancehat]

@czarelena @BigJDubz Thank you!

[seance hat @seancehat]

[first day as a pilot]

me: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for

co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed

[seance hat @seancehat]

@gary_maginnis Thank you, Gary!

[seance hat @seancehat]

me: I’m becoming very forgetful lately

doctor: can you give me an example

me: of what

[seance hat @seancehat]

me: can I be cured

deli clerk: no

[seance hat @seancehat]

me: I’m getting really tired of your back talk mister

orthopedic specialist: ok but you need surgery

[seance hat @seancehat]

if you can walk into a waffle house without stepping on a cigarette butt in the parking lot your meal is free

[seance hat @seancehat]

[first day as a waiter]

me: do you have any questions

customer: *pointing at menu* how is this prepared

me: we laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices