Betty Blackmore

Comedian, Writer, Musician.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? I am none of those.
I am a secret, VERY brave, fifth option: I stand up and say “HEY! heeeyyy buddy!! why I oughtta!”
And I shake my fist and then usually the threat (bear attack) goes away, embarrassed and ashamed of their actions.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

My driving is not ahead of the curve,
It’s ahead, on the curb.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Yeah I embrace slow living. I let the Instagram stories go by at the automatic rate the app sets when you do nothing.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

I don’t chase, I project.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

There’s a threshold limit value to how many kids one can have for me to respect their parenting advice.

1: Cool, some wisdom.
2: You know variety, even better.
3: Wow, very experienced.
4: …do you have time to talk?
5: Wait, why did you have five?
6+: Your brain is bad.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Men on a first date

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Scientists have been communicating with apes via sign language since the 1960s; apes have never asked one question.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Sure there’s a Saturday Night Live, but is there a Saturday Night Laugh? A Saturday Night Love?

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

I’m the opposite of an evangelical. If I can’t have Him no one can.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Every millennial describing themselves

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Doctor: “stay hydrated”
Me: nods
My brain:

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

If you could get audio tattooed on you (not just the wav file but the actual audio… somehow) what would you get?

I’m going to start and say I’d definitely have a riff from The (Fisheries) Broadcast theme on me somewhere.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

@getradified 🎶 And if I only couuuuld
I'd be pushing up that hilllll 🎶

[This Hour Has 22 Minutes @22_Minutes]

Revenge is a dish best served thrown.

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

Happy 20th Anniversary to all who celebrate. #trodgor #strongbad #homestarrunner @craigzobel

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

I walked so I could run 👶

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

@getradified An honour

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

https://t.co/JUguQpCI8O

Check out my latest parody video here! The story of a young man who is scared of trying new things, and a grown woman who’s tired to trying new men. #parody #comedy #harrystyles

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

@getradified Maybe it’s too high brow for you

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

@getradified Ok you take this back about Emily in Paris I am CHOMPING AT THE BIT for this season

[Betty Blackmore @seblackmore]

@XaiverMichael I want you to know i am reading your walk to remember tweets despite having never seen it (shocking i know)