Jeremy Segal

Wannabe Stand Up Comedian.
Wannabe Writer.
Wannabe Grammer Knower-Person.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Goals of current:

1. Eat Food
2. Breathe

Life getting too hectic, might drop number 2.
#LifeHacks #IndiaMeansBusiness

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Jokes about sex are low hanging fruit.

Like my nuts.

But that's pecans for you.
#nuts #nut #pecan #fruits #fruit #comedy #sex

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

@thecosmiccrisp I mean this is a pretty fun article/FB post that a pal of mine wrote like a year ago and I think it should be used in your marketing.

https://t.co/VUDgjBZ2ol

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

@faultyharb Surrender not accepted

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

There are apparently onion recalls going on right now and trust me, I know a lot of farmers who will be crying over that.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Me to myself:
I am an artist. I am important. What I do matters.
Me writing:
Bits tits police, open up!
#writing #artists #writerscommunity

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

I'm currently well protected in a suburb.

In other words I'm a safe cracka'.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

A guy kept trying to make me laugh and I had to be like sorry I don't want to hear any of your jokes, no not one bit.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Malcolm X always made his points very clearly. He did NOT like mixed messaging one bit.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Man I hate Twitter. This is all stuid.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Recently I went to a networking event solely for construction materials. In other words, a cement mixer.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Here is my impression of minimum wage in America reacting to being asked if they watch Reality TV:
"Keeping up with the Kardashians? Heck I can barely keep up with INFLATION!"

Thank you, thank you.
#inflation #minimumwage #LivingWage #Kardashian #REALITY

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Last year I reached my peak when it came to turning in homework aka my submit.
#homework

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Recently I've tried to write a song to help me work through my guilt but I'm struggling to find the notes, ie., a tone for my sins.
#music #musician #songs #comedygold

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

@MatPatGT Game Theory? More like LAME Theory!

GOT 'IM!
#gametheory #videogames #gaming

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

When looking across NBA rosters this year you notice something.

PG and Kawhi
AD and Lebron
KP and Doncic
KD and Kyrie

All of the top NBA duos have two players one of whom has initials and one of whom doesn't. Coincidence? I don't think so.
#NBA #nbarank

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

I'm better on the page than in person. It's not that I'm a good writer I just really suck as a human being.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

My friend's family have been Christians forever, like since before Jesus was a thing.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

When life is getting you down just remember that everything happens for a reason. Well except the bad stuff that just sucks.

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

Wikipedia is just a communist blog.
#Wikipedia #Communism

[Jeremy Segal @segal_man]

@segal_man You look like you go to all you can eat asbestos. #roast #roasting #roasts