selene lorca

quasi adult, nap enthusiast, perpetual dog befriender

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Siri really asking me “unknown caller, answer call?” with a disrespectful regard for my safety

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Call me one more time to tell me how you’re running for city council and I swear I will intentionally vote for your opponent

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

I actually had a pretty good hair day and no one got a good picture of it

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Dear air bnb owner, you can stop messaging me recommendations for places about town. Midnights just came out. I’m going to be ratjng everything 20/5 stars for the foreseeable future

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Stop saying my order has shipped if it simply *has not*

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Can artist please realize im far more unstable than they and stop pulling they’re music on and off platforms

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Best drunk activity- go through your insta story feed and answer each as though they’re personal conversations meant for you

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Can you even imagine the burden Jennifer Anistons hairdresser bears? Her hair is 95% of her career

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Dear recap, yeah I know. I just binged it all.

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Add an “I already bought this” button to Hulu and all streaming commercials so I don’t have to sit through the same five commercials everyday

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Ryle said he’d buy the Halloween candy this year and came home with Hershey kisses. I fear this might end us.

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Pretty sure I’ll never have coworkers as great as my dogs but okay

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Going over the Facebook group page for my high school reunion has me for real wondering if I even went to this school

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Me to my neighbor as I watched him workout while I ate an Oreo

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Ever watch a story of someone you’ve been hanging with and go “oh. None of me” or am I a lone narcissist

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Petition to replace Erika Jayne with Kathy Hilton for next seasons cast. Whatever we gotta do, we deserve Kathy

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

I’m just trying enjoy my life as much as it seems Guy Fieri is

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

My favorite part of the real housewives is when they argue about what was just said like there’s not 15 cameras that could roll it back at any given moment

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

Mostly I’m trying to get all our friends to visit our new house because I’m now too broke to afford going anywhere else

[selene lorca @selenelorca]

@instagram I’m begging you, please make a button to take me back to my spot when my feed accidentally scrolls all the way up to the top