a

it’s all fun and games until so(me)one gets hurt

[a @selfinflict_ed]

yesterday my counsellor told me that I should be in inpatient. she promised she wouldn’t force me to go but the condition is that I keep working with her and that I keep following through with our work/progress… I feel like shit

[a @selfinflict_ed]

well, the time finally came to get additional support.. my therapist referred me to a specialist. now I’m going to have 3 different therapists/counsellors a week 😭

[a @selfinflict_ed]

i’m at the lowest weight i’ve ever been !!!

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I wish my body looked like the number on the scale :( so many people look skinny at this weight and I don’t

[a @selfinflict_ed]

after 4 years, I finally expressed a need to my therapist yesterday and I felt like crying.. it was so hard for me. it even took a therapy prep session last week to be able to ask it 😭 why am I like this?!

[a @selfinflict_ed]

also I miss them and want to reconnect :(

[a @selfinflict_ed]

i’ve met some really awesome people on here and they’re all no longer active on their ed accounts and I have no other way to contact them. I’m glad they’re no longer active on here bc the hope is they recovered but I also can’t help but worry about them :(

[a @selfinflict_ed]

what’s the point if I’m just so miserable

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I cant keep living like this

[a @selfinflict_ed]

shared some really sad and intense stuff with my therapist yesterday and she had such a genuine sad/concerned look on her face. I hate that I have to keep promising her I’m going to stay safe. it won’t be long before she decides to report me because I won’t be trusted anymore

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I’m having more and more breakdowns.. I don’t know if that’s a good thing tho because I’m not suppressing my emotions as much but this shit is exhausting

[a @selfinflict_ed]

wanting to make a goodbye post and leave my long letter behind but always wanting it to look like an accident…

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I hate feeling stuck.. I’m in such a low lately and it fucking sucks

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I’m hungry, I’m getting sick and I’m exhausted. am I doing anything about it? nope.

[a @selfinflict_ed]

wanting to teach people a lesson for commenting on people’s weight/bodies by telling them how much I’m struggling when they comment on my weight loss

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I have a wedding to attend today and although I love weddings I’m dreading it

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I’m at the lowest weight i’ve been at in a while!! it’s not my all time lowest weight but it’s still something!!

[a @selfinflict_ed]

i’ve been doing so bad at getting better but so good at losing weight!

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I’m so alone

[a @selfinflict_ed]

I tell myself “I’m going to k1ll mys3lf” at least 30 times a day