Self Worship

What have you got to lose that you won't lose eventually anyway?

[Self Worship @selfworship]

If Satan makes kimchi, it smells just like that fart did.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

My body says it's hungry, that it needs food to live. So I give it food. And what does it do with it? Mole hair.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

Tech Deck exec reflects hopefully on child of past becoming open-heart finger skateboard grinder of the future.

[donni saphire @donni]

The cost of drilling a hole in your ceiling is going through the roof

[Self Worship @selfworship]

The me of tomorrow will not share the same enthusiasm that the me of yesterday did for ghost pepper hot wings.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

My mechanic recognizes me and knows my name. That can't be a good sign.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

One down side to marrying your high school sweet heart is that when you talk about sex, everyone knows who you're talking about.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

My workplace has "Gradual Fridays".

[Self Worship @selfworship]

As a chef, it's my job to convert paper into food. It's then the server's job to convert the food back into paper.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

@danpawlak you're protecting them from themselves. They'll thank you when you get older. And even if not, who cares? Free candy.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

Wikipedia should link to the "Meta" article from the "Procrastination" article.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

@azc Gaile forced winds. Gaile pooped a little.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

It's windy outside. Which is where it's usually windy.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

I wrote a song on the toilet. It's called "Brutal Poo-Hole". It's a duet.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

Rubbermaid is my favorite brand name that is also a fetish.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

I keep 746-8486 on speed dial to make calling shotgun easier.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

Blacksmiths forge checks.

[Self Worship @selfworship]

"A Lannister always spays his pets." -Bob Lannister

[Self Worship @selfworship]

It says a lot about my upbringing that I associate the sound distant gunfire to the movie "Tremors".

[Self Worship @selfworship]

My neighbor stopped me today to talk about how he, Jesus, and Santa Claus, were all pedophiles.