S Feitler

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@mitchellbyars Oh, that's where I left my liquid nitrogen

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@shanselman Stretching the definition of nap, there... 😂

[Matthew Highton @MattHighton]

I put Wallace and Gromit in Aliens so you could see what would happen if they went to LV-426 instead of the moon. Pretty happy with it to be fair.

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

A large semiaquatic rodent attacked me with a turkey glove puppet and was charged with Beaver's Gobbly Arm.

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@mitchellbyars Better than a disoriented goose, anyway.

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@mitchellbyars Worst holiday gift ever.

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

- My mate keeps trying to make a beef stew *so* hot that it warms the whole of the United Kingdom to the temperature at which a lightbulb will frazzle insects of the order Lepidoptera.
- Heats bourguignon 'til UK hot like crisp moths?
- Yes it is feeling rather festive, isn't it?

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@mitchellbyars Ok, but we'll miss you if you just up and move back to Hawaii.

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

12.5% of baby sheep have a protective plastic layer, which is a laminate.

#WorldFarmAnimalsDay

[Lawprofblawg @lawprofblawg]

In the University Dance Department, they often present half-completed choreography to see if it would be well met in academia.

They call it twerks in progress.

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@NikkiMcR @RollingStone Sounds like a headline from The Onion!

[KattsDogma @KattsDogma]

seasons change. a class on ‘fall prevention’ won’t stop it from coming, you idiot you stupid fucking idiot🙄

[Lawprofblawg @lawprofblawg]

The dinosaurs had their day that all things came to an end. But they called it the velocirapture.

[Stevie Vegas (Steve the Juggler) @SteveJuggler]

To make sure I won the Highest Ironing Pile award, I surrounded it with lots of scarf-folding.

[S Feitler @sfeitler]

@mitchellbyars That joke is never gonna get old

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

Apparently they're having to outlaw telekinesis in football partway through the season. I don't think they should be moving the goalposts like that.

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

My cats are all fanatical about a German philosopher. We got a new kitten recently - he took a while to settle in, but now it's like he's part of the fur Nietzsche.

[Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston]

My favourite event at the Tea Drinkers' Olympics is the Decaf Oolong.

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

me: what’s crazy is that rudy giuliani first rose to fame because of 9/11

teen born in 2006: ohhh. like he helped do it

me: ok no, but i see how you got there