Sarah Faith Keefer

Stay at home Mom with a fear of Pinterest and hit or miss housewifery skills.

[Haggard Hawks 🦅📚 Words | Language | Etymology @HaggardHawks]

POTOOOOOOOO was the name of a renowned 18th century thoroughbred racehorse. It was pronounced “pot-eight-Os”.

[Anita Helmet @AnitaHelmet]

Why is it called a 'Dad Bod' and not a 'Father Figure'?

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

@RRVincent awww I'm sorry for your loss. :( Is he beyond super glue repair?

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

@RRVincent ...that's actually a good question. Just for fun? Are you holding a contest?

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

Offer cherries to 2.
2 sticks out tongue and turns away.
Eat a cherry.

Repeat untill all cherries are gone

2 wails, "I want cherries!!"

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

@RRVincent thanks for the share! :)

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

cop: put ya hands where i can see em
me: *instagrams hands*
cop: not on instagram
me: facebook?
cop: sure
me: *posts on facebook*
cop: likes

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

My 2 year old found a kazoo, if you want to know how my morning is going.

#notenoughcaffeine

[Kalvin @KalvinMacleod]

With my wife away, my children keep asking me for things like meals and bandaids and sympathy, but I don't know where we keep any of that.

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

2: I like farts.
Me: You do?
2: Yes. Farts. Good. Food. Good.

Glad we cleared the air on that subject.

[hardreeds @hardreeds]

I found it. I found the worst thing in the world.

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

[tracker kneels and examines spoor]
- A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago.
- How can you tell?
- Look. Fresh nincompoop.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: I'm mad at my sister. I need eggs.

Me: To throw at her?

4-year-old: To hatch dragons.

[Sarah Faith Keefer @SFKeefer]

2: Hug! HUG! Hugging! Mommy hug! Cade hug! HUG!!! FIVE HUGS!
Me: I just gave you a-
2: A LOT OF HUGGING!!
*meltdown*

#HugTerrorist

[HuffPost Family @HuffPostFamily]

Just because I get up in the night doesn't mean I deserve praise http://t.co/o9FEMJSd45

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

"I can speak over 75 languages"
"Well, that's very impress…"
"OK, I'M SPEAKING OVER ENGLISH, THAT'S ONE. NOW DO SOME FRENCH"

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[sees the baby with a wrapper in her mouth]

Me: Are you feeding her candy?!

4-year-old: No.

Me:

4: I'm just feeding her the wrappers.

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

[two sharks on work lunch break]
"Ugh, peanut butter and jellyfish again"

I have seaweed salad cuz-

"CUZ UR VEGEN, WE KNOW CARL"