Shadized

rip 8th housing slot

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i dont want to sleep i am chasing that 1am euphoria so bad i need sleep so badly but man 1am music hits different

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blasting i really want to stay at your house at 1am is making me feel so alive

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icl having a cold with 3h of fragmented sleep is not fun

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bro its like talking to a brick wall its the 30th time already or something idk

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and even afterwards keep screaming out of the top of his lungs… it’s crazy how little both the parent and child care about others

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bro this kid has been at it since 5:30AM just screaming out of the top of his lungs and these walls are so insanely thin its crazy… it’s just impossible and i caught a cold i feel like shit it took 20 times knocking on their door they clearly heard me and ignored me

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i've been getting so many scam calls it's crazy ts so stupid

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bro people partying until 1-2am knocking on doors and sht and now this kid has been going on it for 1h at 8am having a complete crashout and arguing with his dad in chinese like nobody gaf abt others icl

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im just trying to write whatever i feel like. none of it really makes sense, but i can connect the pieces together myself to know how i feel. i just hope at some they can stop because i've already begged them too many times to just stop it. it's really like talking to a wall

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ruins are all around this desolate place. they signify destruction, but also unfulfilled dreams and goals, that have similar bittersweet sadness to mono no aware, but don't have a fleeting beauty as they never got to shed their wings. where even am i

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last time, the pillars merely became unstable because of things she intended to harm. in fact, too many pillars were broken as well over the course of those years. but the only 2 pillars keeping me going are also gone. so what am i left with? an empty shell that still goes on

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i dont even know anymore i forgot where i started and where i ended. its too late. im just tired. i hate so many things, and so many things i love have been destroyed. when each single one of your pillars is gone, you feel so dead inside. last time, it felt similar to be honest

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but then again, there are so many things i need to live for. people, places, goals, ideas. when that balance gets disrupted so often to this extent, its expected i feel uneasy and unhappy. even when these things are broken bit by bit, or erased entirely, is there still something

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even though im not suicidal right now, i just feel like i just want to kill myself so that she can finally start thinking about how abusive and horrible of a person she has been. i have nothing to live for when im constantly very unhappy and pretending on the outside

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but then ts comes back and youre filled with frustration, resentment, and depression. well whatever im too tired to even think straight i just hate these fcking things just hate em so much. i dont know anymore i am just tired so tired

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too many shtty things for way too long that cloud your judgement. you start feeling like you arent really living anymore but chasing the moon for something ethereal. this feeling is far too familiar, but also so distant. it always comes back in times like these

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at some point, i might even get to see the bottom of the ocean...

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every single thing i had planned just because she didnt care it just kept coming it just kept getting destroyed over and over and over again like at some point you are at your lowest point when there's nothing that'll save you and then they're still trying to drown you

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i keep trying to pretend everythings okay when its not but i feel like on the inside it just been getting worse for so long i try my best tho but its been broken too many times i just feel so dead inside all the hope i also had just kept getting destroyed every single one

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literally somethings wrong with your brain if all you do is insult someone to the point of going crazy over and over and over and over again and then ruining everything in so many different situations and then im just wjhatever im tired im so tired of it all whatever im tired