Jack D

caught in time

[Jack D @sharpular]

Good thing I bought a 55 inch 4K HD TV, so I have something to listen to while I watch my 5 inch phone.

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

Good news I’ve developed a vaccine against likes and retweets and it seems to be working

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

*carries wine box around like a briefcase*

[Jack D @sharpular]

@3sunzzz But hey, wait until you see the sweet cordless drill and reciprocating saw he got you.

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

Haha whatever next you’ll probably try to tell me that Australians are real lmao

[Linda @turtledumplin]

Reply guys for sale ... buy 1 get 10 for free.

[Linda @turtledumplin]

Quick ... how do you lose 40 lbs in 3 days.

[Jack D @sharpular]

@zellieimani Bran muffins, so I could shit on stupid tweets.

[Jack D @sharpular]

@dennisdiclaudio No

[jenntrify @_jennatural]

Idk who needs to hear this, but fire on the mountain run boys run

[Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky]

The mall reopened today, but I don’t have any Bath & Body coupons so I’m not going.

[Bat Shit Crazy @BatBatshitcrazy]

I'd wash my car, but I'm afraid that dirt might be the only thing holding it together.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

*makes fort out of wine boxes*

[Uncle Jeff 🌈 @PickleRudd]

Wait, Maine is an actual real place? I thought Stephen King made that up.

[Jules @julesbrazz]

I’m a bad influence for people who’d rather keep safe. Don’t follow me down here, stay on the surface.

[Cave Man Steve @shopkins776]

My girlfriend likes to ask me what I want for dinner and sometimes I get the answer right

[Brother Ben @SentenceReduced]

Some names immediately go out of style like one day people just said we’re done using the name Loraine.