Jason Shebiro

WAS: @siriusxm host/exec, @ucbtny sketch teacher, @nbcupageprogram.
IS: forever in blue jeans, babe.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@ChandranTheMan You love to see it.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

SUCH a missed opportunity that Vince Vaughn didn’t play the gay love interest in a 90’s Adam Sandler movie.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@Support Hello, there is a username I would like to use that is taken. The user hasn't been active since 2014. The username in question is for a brand I am in the process of trademarking. Please DM me. Thanks!

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@Notorious_JEW Hey. I am a real person with a real question for you. I have no idea how to reach people on twitter... they won't let me DM you b/c you don't follow me, but I would greatly appreciate it if you got back to me. Thanks!

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@SenMiltonYoung Hey, man without a party… I’d party with you any day of the week.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@clairecdowns I just assumed this was a Nutty Professor situation where the guy was just playing all the roles.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Come on Barbie, let’s go party (watch Oppenheimer)

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

“Suckin on my titties like you wanted me, calling me…”

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Bill Murray is well renowned for being able to fit in anywhere, and Kelis has been widely celebrated for having a milkshake that brings ALL the boys to the yard… so this celebrity odd couple isn’t so odd when you think about it.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Watch out, World! I’m in my pretending to like The Velvet Underground era!

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@Quillette Wait… we can’t drink juice now?

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Can you mansplain things to another man? Has that been established yet? Cuz I feel like I know more things than other men, and I’d like to convey that in the most gentle and condescending way possible.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Doves and pigeons are actually the same species. Calling pigeons dirty and doves beautiful is actually racist. I will be releasing 30 pigeons at my wedding .

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@POTUS Bro, what?

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@hamcarless Love that “soundcloud rapper Dubya” rocks a yarmulke. Interesting choice making him Jewish for this one.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@hamcarless Why does he looks like @The_MJF? Because both are Long Island royalty.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

Why do I always think Wallace Shawn is dead? I look this up maybe 5 times a year. He’s always (thankfully!) alive, and I’m always (embarrassingly?) shocked. Does this happen to anyone else?

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@Stop_This_Evil I have no idea what job this is, why ANYONE would want to do it, or how long it will be until machines can just do it for us (prob not very).

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@DevonESawa Maybe you don’t understand. Arby’s stands for Roast Beef. Arby’s… R, B… RB’s. Roast Beef’s sandwich shop. The meats own the means of production and split all profits fairly and equitably.

[Jason Shebiro @shebiro]

@MediumSizeMeech Having talent does not preclude someone from being completely fucking annoying. This is unbearable, and I want to give this woman a wedgie so so so bad.