sheeb

happy

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

It should be called Dunkin’ Muffins.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Was on a date. They were raving about this movie. Plot included a hostage situation in a mall. Shit was Mall Cop.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Are you guys doing the May Challenge? I may or may not.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Divorcing my husband; you have to keep them on their toes.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

He hates me. He wants miller light in his dog bowl, not water. I don’t know where I went wrong. #Dogmom

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Dog moms help me out. I keep walking into the kitchen and my golden is slamming beers and flipping me off? He is only 13.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

“Wanna Lady and a Tramp this Slim Jim?” I said. Yeah our 6 month is tomorrow…

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Yo, my roomate puts Arby’s marinara sauce on her linguine?

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Hey bitch, dont tell Batman how to save Gotham.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

So sus balls bro

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Politicians’ stock trades are often a revealing glimpse into upcoming policies—conveniently timed to maximize their own financial gain.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

The TikTok ban is criminal timing. How are we gonna debrief UDA nationals?

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Happy New Year to my huge following. I am eating bland egg whites.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Merry Christmas to my huge following. Will be watching the Nutcracker on repeat.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Billie Eilish covering christmas songs is sheer perfection.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

I cannot get enough pop rocks in my mouth at once.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Pilot Time was having a hard time taking flight. His attendant yelled, Pilot Time have fun. And he took off. This heroic act is responsible for the phrase…

Time flys when he is having fun.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

I am in a situation with Bling Bling Boy.

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Gotta get my lug nuts checked after 50

[sheeb @sheeb02924232]

Maybe the beer and chips are in the way of the water.