Shelby Snyder

respectfully not interested in your MLM

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I just asked my boyfriend how he would react if there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bit and his answer was very nonchalantly: “I’d leave you” so…

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I know this vacation is good because I haven’t been on TikTok in 3 days.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I cannot believe that in the year of the Barbie movie, men are still telling women to “smile more”.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Consider this my petition to have Taco Bell bring back the zesty chicken bowls cause that shit lived rent free in my guts from 2003-2011.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Emerson thinks the word “vitamins” is “ornaments” and it cracks me up every time he asks for his daily vitamins 😂

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Last night Emerson made the decision that if he wet the bed he wouldn’t get to go swimming today.

This morning he said “I was just kidding about what I said last night” and now I’m putting bedding in the wash. 🙃

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I don’t think I judge anyone as much as I judge parents who put beauty filters on pictures of their children.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Emerson starts t-ball next weekend and Eli signed up to be the coach so I guess now I have to be the baseball mom who brings all the snacks and drinks. ⚾️

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Things that took me 30 years to realize:

Those tractor sprinklers are expensive af.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

It’s wild to me that in 2 hours I’ll no longer be a girl in her 20s. I swear to you I just turned 16…

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Came across these old text screenshots between Eli and I from a couple years ago and I crack myself up.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I love documentaries but I literally fall asleep watching them 100% of the time. It’s taken me 4 days to watch a 3 episode documentary because I keep passing out. Why are they so soothing?

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Me: “Pick a number between 41 and 80.”

Jordan: “21!”

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I know I come on here and complain constantly about my job, and working 60+ hours a week suxx, but I set a savings goal and today I made it. I’ve been able to buy a car, save money, pay all my bills on time, etc and I just think that young, broke girl would be really proud of me.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Y’all I have literally waited 4 years and almost a month for this day and trying to keep it a surprise from my friends and family is GOING TO KILL ME

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I know I’m almost 30 because I deep cleaned my couch today and now I need a heating pad and ibuprofen for my back pain from it.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

Today marks 4 years of working for the post office and I regret all 126,227,808 seconds of it.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

My bio on all socials was placed to deter MLM girlies from messaging me. Mostly, it’s worked. But there’s ONE who keeps messaging me like once a year, and I have (nicely) told her I am not and will never be interested. But she’s relentless and I’m v close to being mean to her.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

I’m not exaggerating when I say I would rip my own fingernails out right now if it meant I got to go home and take a nap.

[Shelby Snyder @sheldyflats]

YALL PLEASE STOP ORDERING SHIT OMG