Shelby Says

quotes from the best Vegan Mormon you'll ever meet

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

Why do I feel like those people are from the past?

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

Hold on. I’m going to put my burrito in the cup holder 🌯

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

I can tell I’m going to have a rough period by the noises my stomach is making. It’s like I can hear my uterus shedding.

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

Was reading a horoscope that really related to me and then I realized it was actually the description of a mental illness

[k @Kaaitlyn]

"I just really want to be be rich. It's really important to me..." -@shellafunny

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

"So there I was, kneeling by the dildos..."

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

Unknown number calling
Me: Shelby, answer it!
Shel: I don't want to. What if it's the lady calling to see if I did my #visitingteaching?!

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

"It turns out money does make you happier if you spend it on things like services so maybe I'll just get a nanny."

For who?

"Me."

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

You don't want to be going through your Instagram feed and then all of the sudden see a 'gina.

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

#vegan

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

Shelb: I am DTF

Me: Uhhh

Shelb: Dedicated To Fun...well I'm DTF too, but only my husband

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

For a second I just forgot @prince was dead.

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

"I've never rollen out of bed since I was like..16."

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

"You know that pine tree I park in front of at work? Well lately I've just had this urge to like...cuddle with it."

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

I come from a long line of plastic surgery.

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

That's the thing about British people...most of them look like their dogs.

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

I've been thinking about and I usually try to limit myself to one banana a day, but I think I'm going to have two. #rebel 🍌

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

It's scary that anyone could be a murderer 🔪

[Shelby Says @shellafunny]

I am thankful everyday that I've never had a job with a uniform.