Shelly

professional aries-style hot mess. ivealsogotchedarfuckme

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

One year later, and I chopped off five inches off my hair on a whim. Seems i still got it

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

I want to have the confidence of 3-year-old-mia cutting off all her hair on a whim back thanks

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

@ellecount They also appreciate the attention

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

*picks up another book*
Enter: the dark and stormy character, new lord of my mental harem

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

An assassin. Ass-squared seems fitting

[Secondhand Bookery @2ndHandBookery]

You are now cursed with the job the main character had in the last book you read - what is that job?

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

@ellecount Ill cover you

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

It just hit me: are all pets sufferers of Stockholm syndrome?

[Edinburgh Festival Fringe @edfringe]

An announcement from the August Edinburgh Festivals
https://t.co/3C18bYqzSR

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Anyone becoming their true hobbit form with six meals a day, staying inside, and kind of forgetting theres a pandemic until you remind yourself that no, you cant go eat out for another round of elevenses?

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Why does my cat find things to lean on and then look at you like a fuckboi waiting for his whisky on the rocks from the hotel bartender, and thinking you look like a fine appetiser?

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

@ellecount Possessed then, and perhapse delusional, no further questions

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

@ellecount Why a small bowl are you possessed or is there no clean bowls

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

My mum is currently on a flemish zoom conference on how to brush long hair cats.

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Ice-cream should only be eaten with a teaspoon. This can also expand to other delicate desserts, your enemies heart for example. This is to preserve the delicate sweet nature of the treat.

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

It’s aries season and I’m stuck inside. Who tf thought this was going to be a good idea.

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Them: foot scrubber for callouses.
Me, an intellectual:

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

My cat: ~*meow*~
Me: CHECK THAT ATTITUDE YOUNG SIR

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Birds are an extension of Satan x

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

UK citizens are losing our European citizenship because of Brexit. @StayEuropean is the campaign for an EU associate membership scheme that would give us the option to continue as EU members as individuals. https://t.co/STo4j0TyIn

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

#bringtheredshitemoji

[Shelly @shellyeatshells]

Support the Bill for Universal Access to Menstrual Products in Scotland - Sign the Petition! https://t.co/qaq8KN3sYd via @UKChange