critical rach theory

Rotavirus fiancé©️ Eventual wife™️

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

Used to think I was the Michael Jordan of holding grudges, but no. It turns out Michael Jordan is the Michael Jordan of holding grudges

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

Is Cookie Monster called the Biscuit Beast in England?

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@GoldsteinRaw Jfc this is grounds for divorce

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@threearruda Don’t mess up your free mani tweeting!

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@TheJewishDream WE CONSUME A BROWN LIQUOR BEVERAGE

WE CONSUME A CLEAR LIQUOR BEVERAGE

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

Nice try. If you’re not a U.S. Citizen you aren’t subject to federal regulation 🙄

[Republicans @Republicans]

DID YOU KNOW?
Federal Law prohibits Non-U.S. Citizens from participating in Federal Elections.
Don't try - it is against the law!

[Ben Goldstein @GoldsteinRaw]

Got a decent pic of the comet or whatever

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

I’m gonna need @ryanmurphyprod & @netflix to release a scene of the Menendez brothers hearing *the* Milli Vanilli news

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@TheJewishDream I hate to admit this, but I kind of want that quote on a t-shirt

[joe 💦🥩 @joesmith6282]

Maybe Tim will be able to finally explain to republicans and Floridians what global warming actually is.

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@TheJewishDream Ya hate to see it?

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

Eight minutes into the Menendez miniseries series on Netflix and I’m fact checking. The 90’s were wild

[Rafi Schwartz @TheJewishDream]

Tough break for Kevin Sorbo

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@TheJewishDream ^that’s called pulling a Grohl

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@GoldsteinRaw I wish. Unless you’re suggesting I say sike to all the people I added that didn’t accept my request 🫣🫠

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

A horror story in 10 words:

Got day drunk. Added a bunch of people on LinkedIn.

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

*gets startled by a giant winged creature with glowing red eyes*

So… is there a mothma’am? 😏

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

And my children would still walk past their fully formed father to ask my torso where their iPads are

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@DangerBrooks How would you address a nonbinary person at a renaissance festival: “m’thord” or “m’thedy” ?

[critical rach theory @shemoji]

@benfowlkesMMA Nightmare senario. Not teaching my kid to parallel park but having to parallel park while someone is watching