Michael Osatuyi

100

[𝕭𝖊𝖑𝖘 🇺🇸 @therealbelano]

2018. I was still doing my teaching job. Was broke and hungry, came online and saw a thread asking people to if they can help someone and you chose me. Or I was still at work.

Maybe because I don Dey America now and change username. but I no fit forget you saved me that day

[Camus @newstart_2024]

The guy just landed a spacecraft on a comet — one of the most impressive scientific achievements in years.

His reward? A public struggle session because his bowling shirt had scantily clad women on it.

Helen Andrews points out the quiet cost of institutional feminization: HR departments now hunt down any maverick personality and stamp it out.

We’re losing innovators we’ll never even know about, all because someone focused on the shirt instead of the comet.

This is how wokeness actually works.

Have you seen real excellence get punished for something trivial like this?

[NKEMAKOLAM @Nkemakolam_21]

@Wizarab10 Nobody hates a poor man more than a poor man

[Michael Osatuyi @shexibarry]

That’s how one guy copied my assignment in Uni with my Matric No and my full name that made me retake that course. When the Lecturer asked me why I had two assignment, I just dey look

Funny thing is the guy moved to another department that same week not knowing what he had done.

[Dara Ita @DaraIta5]

I sent my CV to a group chat in school so people could use it to learn how to make theirs. Months later, I got a call from a firm telling me I've been selected for an internship. I never applied to any firm. Someone applied for an internship with my CV, changing not even my name.

[𝕏FEMI @_FemiFemo_]

1 year later, she opens OF….
This life, no let anybody pressure you🙏🏽

[Kan, The Artwork Guy ✗🇳🇬 @FindingKan]

Got a New Apartment? Hotel? Restaurant? Office? Business Space?

Need Beautiful Framed Artworks and Paintings For Your Interior? Let Me Be Your Plug 🔌🎨

16 x 20 Framed Artworks || N16,000 Each.

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Please Retweet My Hustle || A Thread 🧵

[Big Comfy @bigcomfyyy]

Most ironic images ever 😂

THREAD:🪡

[BIG DAWG @thoy007]

Heaven is far away from some of you sha

cos how will you rizz up your pastor’s daughter like this 😂😂😂

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

Nigeria desperately needs an elite.

The current excuse for an elite are just poverty-stricken people who happen to have a lot of money. There's no difference between this stunt by Yahaya Bello and an office assistant who steals the diesel money to buy Frisocrem for his hungry infant at home.

The level of ambition is the same - a simple desire to be able to afford food, accommodation, transport, education, and healthcare. There isn't even enough sophistication to use layers of separation to give the thing plausible deniability. The hungry thug used his government name to propose an illegal transaction, plus the government names of his children.

Now, an actual (corrupt) elite in a more advanced society would never pay expensive school fees in a direct transfer to the school's account so that it can be traced to him. It would be one shell corporation registered in the Bahamas, owned by a holding company registered in the British Virgin Islands under the management of a charity registered in the Cook Islands overseen by a law firm in Mauritius that would have influenced a recognised international institution to issue scholarships to the Bello sprogs in an amount that coincidentally matches the AIS fees.

The whole thing would have been set up in a way that would make it nearly impossible to unravel or stop. Instead, this conflict mineral warlord went and did a direct transfer with his name on it, because no matter how much money he has, he is really just a poor man who is tormented by memories of his struggles in poverty.

An illegal mining chieftain like Yahaya Bello has no greater ambition in life than to eat chicken, buy tacky, ostentatious houses, drive tacky, ostentatious cars, send his kids to tacky, ostentatious schools, go on tacky, ostentatious holidays, have intercourse with every woman in the northern hemisphere, and ultimately have a tacky, ostentatious funeral when he dies of coronary heart disease at 64, after which his multiple legitimate and illegitimate children, wives and concubines will begin a multi-decade inheritance struggle over his estate, which - needless to say - will not be covered by his Will, if he has one.

Nigeria is PLEADING for actual elites.

These guys are Igwe Tupac level of parodies.

[Tycoon🪐 @TycoonRazzi]

She doesn’t like her Nigerian name but her Asian mom made her feel good about it 🤗

Igbo men too dey explore 😂

[ROYZ @royzkingin]

Listen bro, You spoil a woman that loves you. You don’t spoil a woman so that she loves you.

[Akin Fadeyi @akinfadeyi1]

My Landlord in Lagos from 2008 was the Chairman of the Ekene Dili Chukwu, Transportation and Logistics Company, the Late Chief Augustine Ejikeme Ilodibe. His caretaker who interfaces with us as Tenants is Mr. Lawrence Oriakuh. One day, I realized our fence was too low and was

[Michael Osatuyi @shexibarry]

I like you automatically once you are genuinely kind

[NEFERTITI @firstladyship]

“This is, with the greatest respect, the worst Supreme Court that I have seen in 45 years of practice.” — Olisa Agbakoba, SAN.

Olisa is truly a brilliant man, I give him that!

He said a lot, he broke down the problems holding Nigeria back, from the Constitution to INEC, the Legal System, to the Apex Supreme Court. He gave Recommendations on how Nigeria can indeed move forward!

I hope the handlers of Bola had their pen & paper? I hope they wrote down everything? And they can play & replay all he said! Leave whatever you are doing, & listen to him. 👏

[Tèmilolúwa 🌓🌙 @temilolu_mide]

“Go and return it, tell them we are not buying again”

[Michael Osatuyi @shexibarry]

It's so sad that even in this age and time, some people still practice active tribalism

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

Just the idea and concept of any kind of meritocracy is offensive to Nigerians in general. Doesn't matter whether they are from Mushin or Maitama; doesn't matter whether they're a politician or a vulcaniser.

Nothing can be allowed to be sacred and above the Nigerian disease. EVERYTHING must succumb.

Common Entrance exam cutoff to enter Unity Schools: give Yobe an entry score of 2, and give Anambra an entry score of 139. The defence is that I'm helping my disadvantaged kinsmen get into school.

SSCE Exam: Organise a cheating program for your students to boost your school's stats. The defence is everybody else is doing it, so I'll fall behind if I don't do it.

University VC selection: Start playing indigene vs. outsider politics and destroy the meritocratic sanctity of academia by promoting underqualified indigene to the very top. The defence is that I am helping my brother by stopping those [insert group name] from taking over.

Civil service employment: Ensure 89% of all yearly intake is named "Mahmoud, Yahya and Zainab," whether they are qualified or not. The defence is that I am promoting the interests of my brothers and stopping those [insert group name] from taking over.

Private sector employment and promotion: Hire/promote people based on who is sleeping with you and whose father is an Ikoyi Club member. The defence is that's just how it is, and those Ikoyi Club connections can be useful.

Election: Prevent people from voting, snatch ballot boxes, kill voters and ultimately install an incompetent, unelected buffoon. The defence is I am getting paid a few thousand peanuts to do so.

Local youth sports team selection: Select athletes/players whose parents pay bribes, and leave out better ones without the means to pay bribes. The defence is shey Coachie no go chop?

National youth sports team selection: Select only athletes/players with godfathers and connections while sending away David Alaba (this actually happened). Also, make sure to select as many of "your brothers" as possible.

Entertainment promotion: Cast upcoming actresses based on who sleeps with you. Invest in the most talentless upcoming artists who can't hold a note or identify what a treble clef looks like because they are desperate and loyal, and can be useful as drug mules or avenues for laundering illicit money. The defence is why is anybody complaining? They should stop being broke haters, go and promote their own artists, and leave your omo ope alone. Enemies of progress.

Media and Journalism: Hire and promote journalists based on who sleeps with you; assign big stories to office pets and sexual partners; open opportunities and award nominations only to those in your cult, with the net effect of driving the best people out of the profession altogether. The defence is "Haha you can't prove it, fuck you."

As in, nothing in that country can be allowed to be meritocratic. Nothing st all. Medicine? They appoint Chief Medical Registrars based on state of origin and their relationship with the governor.

Aviation? Nigeria Airways once had dozens of non-flying pilots on payroll, earning the same as its flying pilots because they were friends with one perm sec here or Commodore there. Today, courtesy of @hadisirika, the NCAA now has dozens of "safety inspectors" named Farouk and Mohammed who cannot correctly identify parts of a plane - I wrote a story about it.

And the tragedy is that the same people who will complain about one part of this grotesque system will defend another part of it without irony, because as is always the case in the minds of Nigerians, the group outcome is always somehow divorced from their personal choices.

That's why you'd support a drug dealer stealing an election he lost pitifully, then later on wonder why the world beyond Seme treats you with the disrespect that it does.

[God is REAL. @GodisforReal1]

Dear God, please give me what is best for me and keep me away from what isn't.

[Michael Osatuyi @shexibarry]

This IDENTIFY IDENTIFY would run the world mad real soon, if not addressed properly.