𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺

CW: ED ୨୧ LBMI: 12.1 ୨୧ CBMI: IDK BUT IVE REACHED A NEW HIGHEST WEIGHT FUUUCK

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

‧ ˚. 🧁‧ ˚₊ ꒰ 𝖴𝗇𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗐 ꒱ ₊˚ ‧🧁 .˚ ‧

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

My bmi went down as of this morning and I look skinny fat as fuck because I 100% am. I literally don’t know what to do at this point 🤦‍♀️

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Now im losing weight but im worried that my body fat is just going up what the fuck am I even supposed to do???

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Nobody’s ever going to love me lol

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

People will tell you that it’s normal to gain 17 lbs of pure body fat in less than 3 months 💀 no the fuck it is not

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

My body fat percentage is fucking 24% and my bmi is in the 17s

So much for “recovery” 😐
I am never again recovering again. All it did was make me fat and somehow it worsened my health issues as if I wasn’t already in bad health before this shit

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

it’ll pass as I get older and I’ll realize that I am cisgender. I don’t know how else to explain it- it’s all really confusing.

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Once school is over and I have more time to be active, I’m coming back to edtwt since I’m relapsing now anyways. I’m at my highest weight and I feel so ugly and uncomfortable in this body. Everyday is starting to feel like torture for me. 🫩

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

I want to keep putting my focus on school, but it’s getting tougher now that I’ve actually SEEN my entire nude body in a mirror.

I’ve always had issues with my body and identity, but it’s even more frustrating now that I don’t know if I’m comfortable with my gender/label… Maybe

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

but maybe I shouldn’t overthink it. I just feel really uncomfortable in my body (now more than ever) and I don’t feel like myself

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

I can’t tell if I’m in denial experiencing gender dysphoria or if it’s just body dysmoprhia?? Possibly both? I don’t know atp

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

woman and have the “ideal” woman body with a big chest or big hips. It looks good on other women, but not myself.

Hypothetically, if it were possible to change my biology & be amab and sound/look/act like a girl because I like being feminine. Idk if this is normal or not

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

What makes me even more angry is that my fucking tard doctor told me to “just stop eating” like yeah no fucking shit…… Do you remember calling me a liar when I told you I couldn’t stop binging??? Or are you just acting stupid on purpose???

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Im actually fat now. I have never been this big in my life EVER. I am so ashamed of myself to the point that I don’t even want to be seen

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

My weight is restored and I am the fastest I’ve ever been in my life.

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

My weight is restored and I am the fastest I’ve ever been in my life.

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

I’m dong ranting now. I’m just fed up with myself more than anyone else.

I wish more people were aware of how shitty the healthcare system in this country has become. The amount of people waiting to get help just be left to die in the ER is NOT okay.

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

not free here and it’s not as good as people say it is. There was a time when our healthcare system was good but those days are gone imp

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

at least the doctor has upped my vyvanse and started me on Wellbutrin but it hasn’t done jackshit and it shouldn’t have taken this long to get “help”… if you can even call it that because I still feel like this all a fucking joke on me.

Fuck Canada’s healthcare. Healthcare is

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

disappointed, tbh. I feel like i would have stopped earlier if someone would have just believed me. Them doubting me has made it worse because I felt like I had to make it worse for them to believe me. It my fault really, I’ve always had to prove my point.

I would say that

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

I unfortunately didn’t have any support. I tried getting help for my physical health issues and told my doctor and family that I struggled with binge eating & they didn’t believe. Now that I’ve gained so much weight in a short period of time they finally believe me. I’m

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Anyways I doubt anyone will read this but please don’t start purging. It will ruin your life and consume you.

Getting better is hard but it’s not impossible especially when you have the right support.

[𝖠𝗋𝗂𝖺 @shguria]

Hi so I’m about to relapse. I’m not purging anymore but I’m fat as shit now