Häns Landis

🫡

[Häns Landis @shimskubbler]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[hannah @TribalSpaceCat]

Just off the dome I’d probably say 6 eggs

[Kip Conlon @kipconlon]

I would like the porterhouse, medium rare, and the lady will have whatever she is about to tell you she wants.

[BLËUSKI @BleuCapone]

The fucc you just ask me?

[Autumn Christian @teachrobotslove]

If you've never had a kid it's almost impossible to understand this, but there is nothing you can offer me that's better than pushing my three year old daughter in a swing at the park just before lunchtime and then swinging through the McDonalds drive thru to grab a Happy Meal and then stopping at the gas station to get a slurpee and some M&Ms, because why not, and pretending to race the other cars on the way home just to make her laugh and all the while she's asking questions about everything she sees and I'm smiling to myself because it's forcing me to come to terms with the fact I don't know how to explain even the most basic fundamentals of life. And I like that. I like feeling like the world still contains infinitudes as of yet unknown to me.

I used to think it was cope when parents talked about this, because I was stupid and I wanted to enjoy my parties and my drugs and my affairs and my long nights out and my wine and my time to myself and my melodramatic crying fits and my hallucinations and my self-destructive spirals and the fact I had nobody to answer to. The happiness you get from raising a child is not the cheap dopamine hit of an easy pleasure, bought and paid for.

It's the kind of happiness that you only get from choosing to undertake an adventure, and the colossal responsibility that comes with it, so that in moments stripped away, inch by inch, the new world you decided to brave and explore is revealed to you.

[GHOST @LordGhost____]

Grown ass man hitting a vape. bitch u look like thomas the train gay ass nigga

[Häns Landis @shimskubbler]

Fuck this thing

[Mark Cecchini, CFP® @markcecchini]

thanks to late stage capitalism and the relentless millennial consumer complex I now get to be a proud owner of whatever this is

[sojujinbutsu @EdgarPoop1]

chappell roan is in the nicu throwing cheese singles on babies’ heads and fartin’ in the incubator holes

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

While reading an article about fathers and sons having their first drink together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.

We went to a bar just two blocks from the house.

I got her a Sam Adams. She didn’t like it. so I drank it. Then I got her a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Same thing — so I drank that too. Then I tried a Blue Moon. Nope… drank that as well.

Thinking maybe she’d prefer something stronger, I ordered a Tito’s and soda. She wouldn’t touch it… so I drank it.
In desperation, I even got a top-shelf bourbon — the bar’s finest. She wouldn’t even smell it… so I drank that too.

By the time I realized she just didn’t like to drink, I was so drunk I could barely push her stroller home.

[313.🪐 @luvhuss]

the funniest thing i've ever said was on march 18th 2009 to my dad's cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said "oh shit is your ride here" and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight

[stillboolin @beforeikrash]

niggas get they first check and start calling jeans "denim" and shirts "pieces" bra u special needs

[Aakash Gupta @aakashgupta]

Between birth and roughly 24 months, the human brain is in its highest plasticity window. Synaptic density peaks at about double the adult level. The brain is building its fundamental reward circuitry, and the way it builds that circuitry is through effort-based learning loops.

A toddler learning to speak is running thousands of prediction error cycles per day. They vocalize, it comes out wrong, they see a caregiver’s face react, they adjust, they try again. Each micro-correction fires dopamine in the mesolimbic pathway, and that dopamine signal tells the brain: reinforce this circuit. Keep it. The struggle is the building material. Without the effort component, the dopamine signal doesn’t consolidate the circuit.

Now hand that same toddler a tablet. The screen delivers rapid visual stimulation that spikes dopamine 100-200% above baseline with zero effort required. The crash that follows drops baseline dopamine 40-60% for hours. In a fully developed prefrontal cortex, that’s a rough afternoon. In a brain that is actively wiring its reward architecture for the first time, you are training the system to expect high-amplitude stimulation without the effort component that wires durable circuits.

The Toronto study behind that stat tracked 894 children aged 6 to 24 months. The correlation was specific to expressive speech delay. Not receptive language. Not gestures. Not social cognition. Only the output that requires the child to produce language, the part that demands effortful engagement.

That tells you exactly what’s being disrupted. The input pathways are fine. The effort-based output pathways are underdeveloped.

The brain scan in this tweet is a stock MRI unrelated to any screen research. Ignore it. The actual science is more useful than a scare image. A 2023 systematic review found that six months of reduced device exposure reversed speech delays in affected children. The plasticity that makes this window vulnerable is the same plasticity that makes it recoverable.

More boredom. More failed syllables. More of a caregiver’s face responding in real time. That’s the protocol.

[taking my plushies to the end of the world party @2femcel2furious]

nancy pelosi was spotted at a hidden bunker in tel aviv kneeling at Netanyahus casket in a pleather bustier and a visible whale tail from her micro skirt looking thick as hell

[very baller cash money normal sane person @normal_ballerz]

if you behave strange as fuck get on public transportation about it right now

[ඞ @lifeinchaos_]

You got enough jams in there brother god damn

[Cryron Lue @StevyFranchise_]

Because the proper women supposed to cook the sides while he’s out there grilling all day but you bulldogs know nothing about that nowadays

[Flesh Simulator 🐧 @fleshsimulator]

Before I got pulled out of public school as a kid I was locked in a battle of wills with my second grade teacher that escalated to the point where she had my desk turned around 180 degrees facing the wall

The next day I waited til another adult came to the classroom for some reason and pulled out a small mirror I had brought with me and made a big show of using it to try to look at the chalkboard and when the other adult was like “hey so what’s with the—“, I burst out “I just want to learn :( :(“

[Pisser Dick @PisserDick_]

My stupid son went and got an ant pregnant

[Big ol Wave 🌊 @BigolWave]

Finding out coca cola uses reverse osmosis water was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Whatever the opposite of 9/11 would be

[Tim O'Reilly @TinyTimOReilly]

Pears are soft and refined. They don’t have manic supercharged flavors that pop the senses. Pears resist commercialization via soft drinks and candies through their complex regality.