social distance disco

I get up, and nothing gets me down. She/her

[suze @cortadoedison]

Does anyone know what I want for dinner by any chance

[Clarence Maximus @ClarenceMaximus]

Watched this on a plane last week, and my body was so locked in that I immediately fell asleep, woke up for the pod race, fell asleep again, woke up for duel of the fates, fell asleep again. The ideal viewing experience.

[Carl Anka @Ankaman616]

They found another way to give Gosling a sick jacket. I'm moved.

[carl 🥦 @NightlifeMingus]

(Hanging out at your apartment for the first time and noticing your credenza) Tight ‘denz

[Nutri-Grain Apple Cinnamon FC @GetRitchDieRyan]

how it feels being the only human being in recorded history who has their ticket ready to scan on their phone upon entering a sporting event

[Judge Rod Bean @RealMrBean99]

My 85 year old Mom’s dementia quote of the day-

“It’s pretty nice having all these covers around here to keep me warm.”

I told her she made all the quilts & afghans (more than a dozen) here when she was younger.

“I sure was thinking ahead then, wasn’t I?”

Yes Mom, you were.

[The Frustrating Individual @MILFmassacre]

Me, walking along the beach with Jesus: Why, when I have needed you most, have you not been there for me?
Jesus: When you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, that is when I carried you.
Me: Ah. What about the tire tracks?
Jesus: That was when we rode ATVs together

[mama(to-be) strawberry 🍼🍓 @honeybunwife]

the h*rryy p*tter tv show will have a successful first season, season 2 is where the cracks start to show, major cast members will exit by season 3 and it won’t make it to adapt goblet of fire. that’s my prediction.

[Cranky Federalist @CrankyFed]

guy who says "happy wife, happy life" because he likes his wife and wants her to be happy

[mila @millanovna]

when shane joins the centaurs and harris posts a shirtless picture of ilya getting ready in the locker room on instagram and someone comments "congratulation to whoevers bouncing on it". a couple of hours later shanehollanderhockeyplayer answers plain and simple: "Thank you."

[Khalil @MKhaalil]

My God.

[my book is better than my tweets @MichellCClark]

Your relationship with yourself cannot be built entirely around improvement. At some point, you have to become someone you are allowed to enjoy being. You get to be proud of who you are. Present tense.

[Irie @IncelStormcloak]

I've never seen someone with light in their eyes drink a Celsius

[Jum @JesterJum]

Mitch McConnell has repeatedly voted against federal paid sick leave legislation. He voted no in 1993, 2015, 2020, and 2022.

He has currently been on paid sick leave for over 7 weeks (if he is even still alive).

You dont hate politicians enough.

[g 🌟 @hollanov871]

sorry I can't come out tonight, it's Sidney Crosby's birthday so I have to stare at images of him today. yeah no it's gonna be an all day thing

[ant 🐜 lauren kyle1 stan account @firelilyluke]

new offseason discourse: is heated rivalry problematic for taking away attention from sidney crosby’s birthday to announce their most anticipated castings ?

[t. @t4tacita]

dias que mudaram a química do meu cérebro: quando uma amiga - que tem um relacionamento estável há mais 1 década - me disse que os primeiros ANOS de um namoro tem que ser perfeitos, um céu de brigadeiro.

vc namora há 3 meses e já tem briga? só vai piorar.

[mavsmarie @mavsmarie]

BUSH????