M O U T H

I'm terrible at almost everything. Marmozets bass tech/things carrier.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

I'm living in a world where Tom Delonge isn't in Blink 182, Leicester City have won the Premier League, and the President of the United States is advising people to inject themselves with bleach.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@thetrainline Hi Cat, does this help? Thanks for helping

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@thetrainline Hi there! How is it that if I want to change the time on my ticket to an earlier train the same day, the ticket costs £67, but if I buy a fresh one it costs me £23? How does this make sense? It’s cheaper for me to waste a ticket than adjust one I already have.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@benoriz In fact, it's outside a CHURCH in Stockton. You fucking delinquent.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@benoriz Not in Bradford though is it. Another example of misleading information.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

Remember when everyone went nuts about @JeremyClarkson saying, let’s be clear, some shitty things about the Duchess of Sussex, with everyone saying we need to be kind, but the moment the Princess of Wales…

*check notes*

…edits a photo?

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@northernassist Can you refund me the ticket I’ve just had to pay for, because some delusional dildo within Northern prefers customers stand in the cold and wait for another train, because I got their slightly earlier than planned.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

So @northernassist logic is that if your train from London gets in 2 min early, you’re not allowed to catch an earlier onwards train to get home. You must watch that leave and wait for another, 30 mins later, in the cold. Which delinquent thundercunt thought that idea up?

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

So @northernassist, please assist me by putting me in contact with this brainless cockwomble, or have some decent common sense. No wonder most people want to drive to work.

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

Price of the ticket wouldn’t change, there’s more than half the seats empty, but the conductor says you can get a £100 fine for getting an earlier train. I’m going to the same place just 30 mins earlier. Seriously, who thinks these rules up?

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

Now they’re making adverts about them looking for the parcels they didn’t deliver

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@YodelOnline @googlemaps @YodelOnline here’s the WhatsApp the poor old lady sent to me after she found out she was photographed without taking the parcel…

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

If it isn’t @EvriService, it’s @YodelOnline. How are couriers able to deliver incorrectly on such a consistent basis?

[M O U T H @shitbartender]

@YodelOnline @googlemaps @YodelOnline your driver has literally decided to take my parcel. Seeing as your online customer service support is about as helpful as a corpse, how would I go about getting my parcel before contacting the police?