Shit Lisa Says

She's my coworker, she's in pain, she's angry, she's Lisa, and she is hilarious.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Does anyone want to be in love so we can split rent?

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Lisa: No one asked me to be their valentine yet.
Mother: Poor you, you’re on the wrong sites.
Lisa: There aren’t any good sites anymore and COVID is a bit of a deterrent lol

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Just standing there and my back went out. Good lord!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

50’s I threw my whole body out flouting in the pool in a tube!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Person: Yeah, maybe I'll strike it rich hahaha...
Lisa: If you do remember that old lady who made you laugh a lot !!!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

So if we bathe in my Jell-O shots we will be ok??

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Like you would call to order meds to get a woody!!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

I’m typing an email and I typed “clustomer”

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

I'm having hot flashes so I will welcome winter!

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

lol good point!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

I just got a call and I thought it was you and I yelled at the lady!!!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

It's all Indian music and Celtic and country???
::slicing throat::

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

Umm are you on fire out there or what?!? 🔥 #wildfire
Well stop drop and roll dammit!!!

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU SUCK I DONT!!!!!!! 🖕🏻😜

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

I flirt with all the truck drivers.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

You'll be back. Like an old penny.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

My go-to cola is beer.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

You hippie cobbler.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

I just wanna get laid one more time before I die. Then I'll be happy.

[Shit Lisa Says @shitlisasays5]

...a symbiotic quail marijuana farm!