stretchy

cashing checks n breaking necks

[stretchy @shliced]

My algorithm also thinks that I’m balding (hair loss medication ads), I’m a former opiate addict (suboxone e-doctor ads) and that my dick doesn’t work (dick pill ads)

One of these is true, but the algorithm doesn’t know which one

[stretchy @shliced]

My cellphone heard me tell these Mormons at my door that I was a catholic (protip Mormons will immediately 180 if you say you’re Catholic) so now I keep getting ads for Catholic group trips and bespoke bibles

[stretchy @shliced]

How do we feel about an episode of the bing bang theory where Sheldon starts smoking weed and playing counter strike and watching 40 year old movies over and over again and jacks off til he gets a scab on his lil Shelly (3 o’ clock position beneath the head) and he also drink pop

[stretchy @shliced]

Sheldon cooper is so cute he reminds me of my nephew LOL always on his damn lap top

[stretchy @shliced]

In stark comparison to the all new 2026 “dodge quixotic” comes with a built in breathalyzer due to new epa regulations bi turbo is standard but will only spool if you fail the interlock breathalyzer test also it comes with a built in uzi for when u get cut off on 79 for the 6th

[stretchy @shliced]

This week on Chevrolet adventure getaway we try out the new Chevy aneurysm keyless start only works if ur wearing foams + comes with a built in bent spoon on the dash to cook ur dope n youll never have to buy new tires again thanks to Chevy x chia pets self regenerating bio tires

[stretchy @shliced]

Today is like 9/11 for real #bamheads like me pour one out for #bam #booksamillion

[stretchy @shliced]

One day I noticed the absence of these guys patrolling our streets and Walmart parking lots and since then things have just been different

[stretchy @shliced]

I miss the tweaker cars of yore (dodge stratus, dodge neon, Chevy cavalier, grand marquis, anything Pontiac) now they just drive Nissan altimas with mismatched color panels and a credit card interest rate

[stretchy @shliced]

Doing the #startyourcarchallenge in my #driveway

[stretchy @shliced]

The only good thing to come out of this election is people realizing how much of a loser and hack Tony Hinchcliffe is lmao

[stretchy @shliced]

@Just1user2 @McDonalds https://t.co/hPq8FKWIZe

[stretchy @shliced]

@Devenport @SouthDallasFood @McDonalds https://t.co/hPq8FKXgOM oh you’re gonna love this

[stretchy @shliced]

@McDonalds @KaiCenat https://t.co/hPq8FKWIZe

[stretchy @shliced]

@McDonalds https://t.co/hPq8FKXgOM this is what they’re talking about btw

[stretchy @shliced]

This is what I learned how to do in college

[stretchy @shliced]

https://t.co/xeciPoJ7T1

[stretchy @shliced]

Prada hypercars ghostrider automobile 2063 trojan mobile with out the foam and AC u dont change oil anymore the car is run from vitamin water only the purp kind tho ur straight up wilding. Its also got a class selection of Dominoe's embroidered, colored and styled aslong as well

[stretchy @shliced]

@tomsegura this is your brain on Los Angeles

[stretchy @shliced]

This coleslaw look like my sprite because there’s some purple shit in there