Shmendrick

I'm a man of means by no means, king of the mechanical chicken deboning machines.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Starting my new line of colonoscopy-scented candles.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

It was a speck of a spectacle, barely respectable, but undetectable in its size.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Anyone know what it costs to send a letter by carrier pigeon these days?

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Tarnished ‘taters.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Sometimes people will ask me how my day’s going & instead of answering I just show them this series of images.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Got my hair cut today. Feeling like a million bucks.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Jesus praying for the hands of time to return. A common Renaissance motif, here rendered in splendid 3-D effect.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

For years I thought my windows were filthy until my doctor informed me I have cataracts.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The goddam city was full of mimes.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Sighting of the rare purple #Mao

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

This is where I take my ventriloquist dummy for haircuts.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

How it began. How it’s going.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Two dogs I’ve recently groomed for show.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

If the world doesn’t address climate change soon we’ll never be able to do this again.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

Here’s some photos from my new yoga instruction manual for disembodied clown heads.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

@Shteyngart Looks like the work of the same rabbi who circumcised me.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

The 3 stages of life.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

In the name of the father, son and holy sausage.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

The patron saint of thrift store toupees.

[Shmendrick @shmendrick]

A reenactment of a scene from Midnight Cowboy.