dschorno

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Brett McMurphy @Brett_McMurphy]

Ryan Day vs. Michigan: 1-4
Ryan Day vs. rest of Big Ten: 44-1

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@AndrewDoxy on this OP note I gotta thank you… saw one too many of your greatest fiction tweets and had to get involved… now I’m 900 epis in and I work for crunchyroll. That’s life changing stuff right there

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@boo_Carter6 〽️

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@cfb_professor any idea where I can get historical or just 2022 season Time to Throw metrics for CFB quarterbacks? appreciate it and will patreon for any intel :)

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

there’s just no way you think Baker Mayfield is a better quarterback than Stetson after watching the two of them out of collegr

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

good thing I’m not a NFL GM because I’d draft Stetson first overall at this point

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@sylksie @cybersygh this is without a doubt the best brief encapsulation of the pros and cons of crypto I’ve seen

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Mel Tucker and Michigan State with a great 4th down play call

[Barstool Spartans @BarstoolMSU]

nightmare fuel

[Sopranos Vibes @sopranos_vibes]

Oh god oh fuck it’s the gaba-ghoul

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

my new edit going off 🔥 @nasa a retweet would mean the world

[PinataHub_Bot @PinataHub_Bot]

If you don't remember retweeting this, it means that you have leaked your Twitter Access Token in a public GitHub repository. Not the best practice, right?
For details, read our latest article: https://t.co/6WBC6DRNDS
#InfoSec #CyberSecurity #GitHub

[Joe @d6_kotlar]

facebook undefeated

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

yea that’s the main thing I noticed too

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@_Slick__Nick_ @mikethewolveri1 shit is so bizarre but ya’ll can rest easy knowing u occupy this mental real estate? i lowkey love seeing the state come up

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@TurnerNovak found ur girl

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

been waiting years for this moment congrats @jon_bois phenomenal reporting @minakimes #scorigami

[dschorno @shoreshaq]

@AlexLozon no words for warholm my god that kid is something else. blows at ripping his shirt off tho