shrimp

shrimp

[shrimp @shrimptron]

when the barista is totally not flirting with your boyfriend

[Evan Briggs CIRC IS R4PE @realEvanBriggs]

Circumcised men are amputees. They are disabled.

[shrimp @shrimptron]

thanks google AI overview this is definitely what i wanted

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@Shrimpathiser it’s not only queers, it’s all young people. i imagine it’s mostly covid

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@hopes_revenge endangered salamander is stanford coded

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@hopes_revenge : (

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@hopes_revenge i like your tattoos !

[shrimp @shrimptron]

wow

[Justine Moore @venturetwins]

Someone discovered a new Amazon AI feature that summarizes what it knows about you and I am crying of laughter

[shrimp @shrimptron]

david foster wallace knew about fluffers

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@paularambles love that

[shrimp @shrimptron]

accutane is like if god put chikungunya fever inside a pill

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@paularambles hopefully

[shrimp @shrimptron]

@JoaquimMSntg sempre achei a érika e a urias parecidas até na vida real

[shrimp @shrimptron]

i very infrequently encounter opinions that i can truly refer to as “hot takes” but “obesity is an ethical issue” has got to be up there

[shrimp @shrimptron]

it’s so over

[shrimp @shrimptron]

there’s a big difference between the lowercase (tech) people and the lowercase (borderline personality disorder) people. do not get it mixed up

[shrimp @shrimptron]

listening to fuck my computer in a self-driving car in san francisco. does it get any better than this

[shrimp @shrimptron]

“horderves”

[Tulip 💐 @cutelipssx]

My dementia client won’t eat his lunch today so I cut up his sandwich into small pieces and I’m following him around the house with a plate like a caterer at a party handing out horderves. He says “oh thank you! 😁” every time and I’m having so much fun using my imagination on the job lol.

[shrimp @shrimptron]

jobs that are topologically the same in my mind:
- vc
- gossip columnist
- matchmaker
- florida real estate agent
- irl prostitute

[shrimp @shrimptron]

you can’t expect me to be convinced you have “taste” when the only non-athleisure clothes you own are from uniqlo, sorry