@sidewazed

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Me: Some research suggests time is not a fundamental property of the universe and that it may simply be an illusion. That is, time exists only because particles interact and change relative to one another.
Dentist's Assistant: Uh...you still owe the $35 missed appointment fee.

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Turns out my new bathroom air freshener scent “warm garlic bread” didn’t go over so well

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

Lighten up guys, it was a mostly peaceful murder.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

People who use odd comparisons in their writing are like women with nipples like Butter Rum Lifesavers.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

My hobbies include liking replies to tweets posted 7 years ago.

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@didem5654 110

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

You named your baby Barbara? Does she drink gin?

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@Bob_Janke It’s virtual insanity Bob

[RunwayDan @RunwayDan]

Trying to imagine how hungry the first person to eat cauliflower was.

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@Rozzah_2210 Elon

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@ViktorKlopp No one’s talking about the excellent instructional jingle

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@Its_Fenni Lots of butter, lots of vegemite

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@Bob_Janke You should get a Toyota Crown

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@Bob_Janke Third

[lily @vxylily]

Men only have 5 moods:

1. Constantly horny
2. how we gonna get rich
3. Random 2 am motivation
4. Intense loneliness
5. My family needs me

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@_Investinq But what about the birds?

[RFTTE @rftte]

Just went to the servo to fill up in Darwin... saw a bloke at pump 3 put $10 in.

I said where are you driving to mate?

He said pump 4.

[@sidewazed @sidewazed]

@CC68891975 Curried sausages + eggs

[Hassan. @Heyitshassan]

I am fully convinced that 2019 was the last normal year we ever had. Ever since then, it feels like everything’s broken. Everyone is constantly anxious, time moves too fast, and nothing actually feels real anymore. The world as we knew it is just gone

[Sgt Pepper @MzSgtPepper]

Did anyone ever rock down to Electric Avenue and then subsequently take it higher?