The door opened, and it was said: he is in a hell of his own making. Take him to the river of forgetfulness.
On the third day,
I stood on exhaustion's door, and was dragged in. There is no place for rest.
I stood on love's door, and knocked three times. Then went back.
On the next day, I knocked on memory's door, and was asked three questions, but could not hear, or perhaps forgot.
Suicidal ideation is sometimes a way to give gravity to needs or problems that you are having, as a way to feel justified about having them, when you have deep shame about having them.