Simon Jones

🇬🇧 🇦🇺 Sasha , Zabiela & Lawler 🎶 Running 🏃🏻 Ocean swimmer 🏊 F45 💪🏻

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@JackPittBrooke Porro made a nasty gesture to the south stand, he has a real issue with the fan base

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@tix2tottenham After 1 spare for wolves

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@THFC_TICKET I’ll have Brentford please

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@felixprehn Energy

[Charlie Kirk @charliekirk11]

You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies.

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@thespursweb @THFC_TICKET @tix2tottenham does anyone know
If a screenshot of a QR code still works for entry ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@JustMattWatts 🫣

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@JustMattWatts Worst kept secret in football 😔

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@43dovg Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@mrstowers27 Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@peppe6867 Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@allypawson Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@caedenkib Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@Danny05161237 Hi , can you definitively now transfer them via ticketmaster ?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@meganannromo Can you definitively now transfer them on ticketmaster?

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@arceliacarla Will ticketmaster allow you to transfer now? Can you show a screenshot please of this ?

[THFCFlags @thfcflags]

🚨Scarf giveaway!! 🚨 We have an extremely limited number of the iconic scarves from Blibao left & we want to give them away to our amazing followers!

For a chance to win:

- like this post
- follow this page
- for an extra entry, reshare this post

COYS

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

Champions

[Bex @B3x_Graphics]

🚨GIVEAWAY🚨
As promised, I have 10 A3 prints of my Spurs UEL winners artwork up for grabs. These are high quality, Giclee fine art prints.

Like, repost & comment “CHAMPIONS” to enter. 1 entry per person.

10 winners chosen at random & DM’d on Saturday 7 June. ⚠️UK ONLY⚠️

[Simon Jones @simon_sydney]

@RaveFootage What’s the id please?