Mona

24/ mainly dogs / she/her

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

15 yrs ago mate died of cancer. Not a close mate but mate enough. He arranged with me & 3 other lads to go in suits to his funeral, speak Italian & say "we're gonna miss you Boss" to pretend he was secretly a Gangster or something. His mother called the police.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Had to write an apology a few years ago, couldn't think of how to do it so I used excerpts of Nick Clegg's apology for raising tuition fees.

[Fatlion @georgefatlion]

“Luck of the draw.”

@midjourney_ai #midjourney51

[putasinghonit @putasinghonit]

No other country can do this

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

One Christmas in the mid 90's when I was absolutely skint & working in a sports shop, I had no choice but to steal all of my family's Christmas presents from our stock room. I'll never forget the look on my Nan's face when she opened a full Reebok tracksuit.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

After that episode of the Simpsons when Homer goes through the wall and ends up in a different dimension, I didn't touch a wall for 12 months. I was like 7 but still.

[B&S @_B___S]

Friends forever ❤

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

We have also removed your mother’s number from contacts because obviously you’re too busy to call her.

[B&S @_B___S]

he's cute and he knows it

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I often favourite hideous items on Vinted to look back at when I need a laugh. However my bf logged into my account looking for present ideas and I'm now the proud owner of a pair of mustard pleather trousers and set of animal print headscarves. Worst birthday ever.

[Kate Lowrey, PharmD, BCEMP @KLowRx]

My dog went to the vet for a check up. they said they needed to get a pic for her profile.

I log into the portal to get results and THIS is what came up 😂

[Lowkey @Lowkey0nline]

People seeking asylum in this country make up only 0.18% of the population.

If they do have recourse to public funds, it is £37.75 a week. That is just over £5 per day.

In one year, Suella Braverman claimed £159,000 in expenses. That is £435 a day.

[Alex Beresford @alexberesfordTV]

Are you an MP or TV presenter?

[LBC @LBC]

'This is madness!'

Alastair Campbell tells @mattfrei Gary Lineker wasn't over the top with his tweet, pointing out 'dangerous' parallels between the language of '1930s Germany and our debate' on migrants.

@campbellclaret

[Mona @simone_heil97]

:(

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Most of the time, me and my dog get on fine. But sometimes, if he's bothering me while I'm trying to work, I'll tell him to fuck off. He'll always look sad and leave me alone. If my wife is around to overhear, I can now achieve the effect simply by mouthing the words.

[Doglover @puppiesDoglover]

Adopt a dog to take care of the house the dog

[Mona @simone_heil97]

@mohsintweeted Expected @ramisahamid to be the reply tbf

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Blu. She's had a long day of being tiny and cute. Very grateful she found somewhere to rest her head. 12/10 moving is now illegal