Simon Fraser

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@BBCJonSopel #americast Two questions for you. Why do the Americans publish how the counting is going rather than announcing the result at the end? And what on earth will they put in The Trump Library? Keep up the good work. Simon

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@Korn_Ferry Have you decided to stop paying your suppliers? Your say your payment terms are 45 days. My invoice is now 107 days old and still nothing. What's going on?

[Captain Qwerty @CaptQwerty]

#strangeneighbours No.111 #chipmunk #chipolata Not actually sure what type of sausages chipmunks prefer. Chipmunk apparently derives from an old Ojibwe word meaning "one who descends trees headlong". Is this right @susie_dent ? #humour #cartoon #sausages

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

Can Anyone Write? I say no - and my latest blog explains why. See what you think https://t.co/1WVDZIwKxP #b2b #copywriting

[Captain Qwerty @CaptQwerty]

#strangeneighbours No.94 #lout #louvre I mean really. How could anyone attack an unarmed innocent? Bonjour tout le monde @MuseeLouvre #cartoon #humour #graffiti

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@thelastleg #poemsforalex

On the day that you turn thirty-six
You're permitted to tell those two dicks
That they're really not funny
But you would like some money
To learn how to eat with chopsticks.

Happy Birthday
Love to you all
Simon
xx

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

#PoemsforAlex

On the day that you turn thirty-six
You're permitted to tell those two dicks
That they're really not funny
But you would like some money
To learn how to eat with chopsticks

Love you all xx

Simon

[Captain Qwerty @CaptQwerty]

#strangeneighbours No.84 #agitprop #aglet The latter is the bit of metal at the end of your shoelace that stops it fraying. Hello to @eddieizzard who is, I believe, the only person to have ever said "aglet" in a movie. #LostChristmas is brilliant. #cartoon #humour #shoelaces

[Captain Qwerty @CaptQwerty]

#strangeneighbours No.82 #gastronomy #gastropod Not a huge fan of Brer Snail, but snail porridge @thefatduckbray was interesting. Hello #Foodies and #snails everywhere. #humour #cartoon

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@HabitatUK I don't understand what's going on here. You seem to be responding to people at random. Please do it in order. I contacted you on April 24, but have heard nothing. Order 511807471 delivering to 4 Hillview GU6 7RJ. Please get in touch. Thank you Simon Fraser

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@HabitatUK It's been a week since you delivered half my floor lamp and despite numerous efforts I still haven't managed to get a response from you. Order 511807471 delivering to 4 Hillview GU6 7RJ. Surely it can't take you that long to get to my request? Simon Fraser

[Captain Qwerty @CaptQwerty]

#strangeneighbours No.81 #goose #gooseberry If you follow #SocialDistancing guidelines, can you still be a gooseberry? #humour #cartoon #lovebirds

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@habitatUK It's been a week now! Simon Fraser 511807471 4 Hillview Cottages, Cranleigh Road, Ewhurst Surrey GU6 7RJ. I had a floor lamp delivered on Friday 24 April but only got one of the boxes. The heavy base part wasn't delivered which I assume was in another box. Help please!

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@clareaskem What's going on with your customer service? I know these are difficult times, but it's impossible to get anyone at Habitat to talk to you.

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@HabitatUK Are you completely blanking your customers? You're still trading but won't talk to them. What's going on?
#badcustomerservice

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@HabitatUK Hi I know it's a difficult time but it's been three days since I contacted you about a problem delivery and no one has got back to me. How do you know I'm not vulnerable? Simon

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

#thepalehorse #bbc What on earth's going on with Rufus Sewell. Tie done up, tie loose, disappearing handkerchief. Continuity issues and someone flipping the film? #continuityerrors

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

Useful word for copywriters

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Lalochezia: the use of swearing to relieve stress. (Anyone have a word for your fridge breaking down on Christmas Eve?)

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

#dogsatpollingstations Mungo went to vote and found two candidates waiting to say hello. Anne agreed to pose with him. #veryindependentdog

[Simon Fraser @simonpfraser]

@BBCJonSopel @bbclaurak @realDonaldTrump @Nigel_Farage @BorisJohnson @jeremycorbyn Methinks the president should ask for a thesaurus for Christmas. There are other words out there, Donald...