Simon Walton

[Simon Walton @simonwalton2098]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Simon Walton @simonwalton2098]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Simon Walton @simonwalton2098]

Sobering walk on beautiful Boxing Day afternoon… @ Derwent Dam https://t.co/ob0i0U6HQO

[King Charles III (parody) @Charles_HRH]

Will the last person to leave Government please turn off the disco lights, and put the empty bottles into a recycling bin.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

#HIGNFY returns. Friday 1st April at 9pm - BBC One.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Big coat warning issued in Yorkshire:

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

After Russia mocks Liz Truss for not knowing the difference between the Baltic and Black sea, Dominic Raab calls to tell her they’re either side of the Gulf of Wigan.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Live scenes from Downing St:

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Boris Johnson remains optimistic despite resignations.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Human case of bird flu detected in the UK, tentatively called Crowvid-19.

[🄳🄰🄽 🅂🄰🅄🄻 🄺🄽🄸🄶🄷🅃 @FMcfunface]

The strange hand of fate

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Government says ‘large number of tankers’ has been assembled to try and solve the fuel crisis - unclear if it’s a typo:

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

As 11 species of bird are officially declared extinct in the US, experts in the Washington area say one brightly coloured cock hasn't been seen for almost a year:

[Karl Rabbitt @RabbittKarl]

@jokesuk

[Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk]

The wife and I were out for our anniversary dinner earlier tonight.

After our meal, the waiter came up to me and asked me, "Sir how did you find the pork belly?"

I replied, "We met 25 years ago in some pub!"

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

After Labour voices opposition to the government’s social care reforms, Keir Starmer’s own plans are leaked to the press:

[Jokes UK 🔞 @jokesuk]

A woman is suing a hospital, after her husband lost all interest in sex following recent treatment he had...

The hospital in their defence have stated, "All we did was correct his eyesight!"