Simon

[Jonny Sharples @JonnyGabriel]

“Mr Infantino? I'm just calling about Jarell Quansah...”

[Simon @simony690]

"Hydration never takes a holiday"

[England Cricket @englandcricket]

It's hot out there, England fans ☀️

Make sure to wear sunscreen, take regular breaks from the sun and refill at the @TrentBridge water fountains.

Remember, hydration never takes a holiday 💦

[Dan Neidle @DanNeidle]

The King has, for the first time, published a document setting how how much "tax" he pays.

It's not actual tax - the Crown can't pay tax - but a funny kind of maybe-almost-not-really tax.

A quick thread on what the document tells us (not much) and what it doesn't tell us (lots).

[Simon @simony690]

https://t.co/PCx2rECtTp BBC as impartial as ever when it comes to the royals. Sneaking comments halfway through they hope we'd miss.
- £130k for Willy's Saudi trip
- Private helicopters cost £733k
- £100m to receive per year, decided by Keir and Rachel Thieves

Travesty.

[Simon @simony690]

Is this camera operator in their probation? #enggha #wobble

[The Good, The Bad & The Football @goodbadftblpod]

Paul Scholes NEVER listens to music! 😳🎶

[Simon @simony690]

Me accepting that most fan accounts talk utter shite

[Simon @simony690]

"Mum, the manager didn't pick meeeeee-uh"

[Zoe Maguire @zoemaguires]

Absolute disgusted

[Simon @simony690]

@stehoare "You shag gran's best (haway), when you say nothing at all"

[Simon @simony690]

Signings like Frimpong (shite), Isak (glass ankles), then selling Luis Diaz and Nunez (the latter was crap, but worked hard). Van dijk, passed it. Scary route, this.

[Simon @simony690]

That was wank. Not because we lost, but because "key" players have checked out, are passed it or don't know what they're doing. On Slot, who has to go, but goes deeper

Wirtz marking Watkins, checks out and doesn't care. 100m this prick cost. Gomez atrocious footballer...

[Cherry @Cherryopenmind]

When I was a nine-year-old schoolgirl, my teacher asked us to write a news article.

She told me, 'All I want to know is Who, What, Where, When, and Why.'

It took me two attempts, but I finally produced a piece that she said satisfied exactly what a reader needs to know.

So, let us play teacher with Chris Mason today.

Let us look at how he manipulates and manufactures drama for the BBC, a service we pay for.

Who: He cites 'friends and allies' of Wes Streeting, using anonymous whispers instead of a single official statement from a man who has neither resigned nor told the media he is standing.

What: He describes 'jostling on the start line' of a race that does not officially exist, masquerading speculation as a foregone conclusion.

Where: He sets the scene in a fictionalised 'expected race for leader', ignoring the reality that governance happens in departments, not in a journalist’s imagination.

When: He claims a challenge is 'imminent' to create a false sense of urgency, despite no confirmation of any such move.

Why: He does it to feed the 'anger factory' and secure clicks, knowingly trading national stability for media ratings.

Journalism is supposed to inform citizens, not project chaos.

@ChrisMasonBBC has failed my teacher’s test.

He is not reporting the news, he is attempting to invent it.

Do we pay the BBC so that journalists can play soap opera directors with our future?

#BBC #ChrisMason #Journalism #UKPolitics #Starmer #WesStreeting #Truth #Accountability

[Katie Hopkins @KTHopkins]

On behalf of their client, Zara Sultana, Bindmans Media and Information Law Practise Group requires that I publish the following statement on X, and that such statement must be clearly visible and pinned to my
profile for a continuous period of no less than 24 hours:

“On 30 March 2026, I published a post on my X account addressed to Zarah Sultana in which I stated that she encourages and incites violence and is friends with terrorists.

Those statements are false. I was wrong and offer my sincere apologies to Ms Sultana for the harm and distress caused to her.”

It is my very great pleasure to do this, and I reiterate my sincere and repeated offer to meet with Miss Zara Sultana in person to resolve our differences.

[Simon @simony690]

Christ. Give it 10 years and he'll be selling CBD oil after contentious takes like this, a la Merson and Le Tiss

[Mark Goldbridge @markgoldbridge]

Thought the ref was poor today against us. Yes it looked like a handball from Sesko and Bruno's tackle could have been a red but he wasn't much better with us.

[Simon @simony690]

"Man United are BACK"

[Golf Digest @GolfDigest]

Brutal finish for Bryson DeChambeau.

He cards a triple bogey on the 18th hole and will miss the cut by two.

[Simon @simony690]

@ColeFusionHQ Worked with a senior manager called Richard Johnson. Total tool, so we called him "Dick Dick" in lieu of both names 👀

[Simon @simony690]

There's always a tweet. Have that, you diving smegheads.

[Galatasaray EN @Galatasaray]

You'll never walk alone, but sometimes you walk out without points 🤷‍♂️

#UCL

[Holly Brockwell @holly]

It has been a ROUGH couple of days at Holly's Merry Moggies rescue for disabled and difficult cats. Just one thing after another.

Money that was supposed to last us the year is almost gone and it's only March. If you can help at all, it would be HUGELY appreciated
https://t.co/4fGszZQX8B

[Simon @simony690]

If people have been saying Konate is the problem. I present to you Joe Gomez