Simp Thot Turbo

I identify as a Simp Thot. My pronouns are Simp / Thot. Gooner thots looking for love should message me

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@iFishyHD @Sirbeaterofarse strong agree. Yup, the problem is that we gave a deserving franchise legend a cost-effective one year extension and didn't give a third liner $10.5 x 8. We would win the Cup in a rout otherwise

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@nhlpens Ingrate Pens fans have been blessed to have four of the best players of all time, and they think this happens all of the time

Ask Columbus or Nashville or Utah how long they would stretch out the Sid / Geno era

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

You're almost never right

In fact, you're the Jim Cramer of Pens coverage

[Dan Kingerski @TheDanKingerski]

The Capitals are one year, maybe two, ahead of the Penguins. You're seeing that this week. The Caps are doing what Dubas wanted to do, but didn't have a big enough trade wallet.

I don't hate to say I was right.

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse

[Josh Yohe @JoshYohe_PGH]

@APetrelak I assure you neither one should be

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse it's a metaphor

[Pintmonster @pintmonster69]

Mike Babcock sat down with Darnell Nurse and asked to see a picture of Sarah Nurse’s tits. Darnell explained that they aren’t married, they’re cousins. Mike said he understands and then asked if he still has them anyways. Darnell said no. He is expected to be dealt very soon.

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse we only "won" the Jake trade because we lucked out and drafted Bruno / flipped Bunting for a goody bag

Koi is a bill of goods. Vasily whatever took his ball and went home, Cruz Lucious is a washout baby

[Dan Hopper @DanHoppOPS]

Nikishin is a player who'd check a lot of boxes for the Pens but I don't love your chances of 'winning' a trade with Carolina

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse I am also here

It's a gooner market where Byram gets moved heads up for the 4th overall. The time to strike is while the rest of the GMs are doing ketamine

Trade Rak to Seattle, trade Rusty to BUF

[The Cult of Letang @letangcult]

I love Bryan Rust. He's one of the top ten wingers of Penguins' franchise history.

But he's better than all three big-gun wingers traded today, and he's not a franchise cornerstone.

With people dealing two firsts for players of his profile, it's time to sell him off.

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse this is clickbait / fake news, except it's worth discussing

Jarmo loves Rusty, BUF is closer to a Cup than we are, they're about to lose Tuch, and Viggo would certainly help PIT

[Mario LeCrosGoat @MarioLeGoat]

Bryan Rust and a 1st is being traded to the Buffalo Sabres for the 4th overall pick.

Wow.

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse Pull up the burner

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse it does look much better with Eklund in the fold

[Mike Gould @miketgould]

Tkachuk for William Eklund, 2 1sts, a 2nd, and two prospects. I think that is a tremendous haul for Ottawa

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse Zonnon is different, obv, and he's a center. He's a year behind the rest of those white devils

Who are all 6/7 forwards at the AHL level

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse stop pretending this WBS middle six gooners are good

Have you seen Ilyin play

[The Cult of Letang @letangcult]

Zonnon - Crosby - Ilyin
McGroarty - Malkin - Chinakhov
Koivunen - Kindel - Hayes
Dewar - Lizotte - Brazeau

Wotherspoon - Karlsson
Byram - Brunicke
St. Ivany - Letang

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse based, Frank Seravelli

[nhlpens @nhlpens]

After thinking long and hard for a reasonable trade for both teams here's what I came up with:

To PIT:
Zach Werenski
Kirill Marchenko

To CBJ:
Ryan Graves
Tommy Novak
Skinner's rights
Noel Acciari
2nd round pick

Crazy trade 💯

Who says no?
It's a no brainer for CBJ.

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse @jack_has_spoken Gooner elon only has credit by the standard of Frank Seravelli and Zuck cat ladies

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse @jack_has_spoken Gonna text gooner Elon's rate limit from my SMP account

[Simp Thot Turbo @simp_thot]

@Sirbeaterofarse